Develop discrepancy between values and behavior

Gently hold up the gap between what the person wants and what they’re doing.

Why it works

Motivation grows when a person perceives a gap between their core values or goals and their current behavior — a form of cognitive dissonance. The skill is to let them notice and articulate the gap themselves, because dissonance someone points out for you tends to provoke defense, not change.

How to do it

1. Explore what the person genuinely values ("What kind of parent / colleague do you want to be?").
2. Reflect, without judgment, how the current behavior fits or conflicts with that.
3. Let them name the discrepancy; resist supplying it as an accusation.

Evidence

Developing discrepancy is a foundational MI principle, grounded in cognitive dissonance theory (Festinger): inconsistency between values and action is motivating to resolve. (mechanistic)

Dissonance theory is well established generally; its specific application as the active ingredient of MI is principled rather than independently isolated in trials.

Sources

• Festinger (1957), A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance

Common mistake

Turning discrepancy into a "gotcha" ("So you say family matters but you work every weekend") — framed as a charge, it produces shame and defensiveness, not motivation.