Coaching practices for On Paper I Know Exactly the Kind of Person I Want to Be and What I Believe but When I Watch How I Actually Behaved This Week There's an Embarrassing Gap Between the Two and the Knowing Clearly Hasn't Closed it
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For On Paper I Know Exactly the Kind of Person I Want to Be and What I Believe but When I Watch How I Actually Behaved This Week There's an Embarrassing Gap Between the Two and the Knowing Clearly Hasn't Closed it, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- On paper I know exactly the kind of person I want to be and what I believe, but when I watch how I actually behaved this week there’s an embarrassing gap between the two, and the knowing clearly hasn’t closed it.
- I say I value certain things, but when I look honestly at how I actually spent my week, my real priorities were something else entirely
- I tell myself I’m a generous, present, hardworking person, but when I actually look at how I spent this week, my behavior tells a different story
- I’ve got this clear, vivid picture of the person I want to become, and I love daydreaming about them
- There’s this constant background sense of not being enough, but I can’t even tell what kind
Practices that may help
- Live what you study
Make your practice your philosophy — not a separate reading life and a separate daily life.
Philosophy as a Way of Life - Check action against stated values — the alignment review
Once a week, compare your stated values to your actual choices and name the gap honestly.
The Pythagorean Evening Review - Define yourself by actions, not intentions
You are not your intentions or your self-image — you are the accumulation of what you actually do.
Existentialism and Radical Choice - Build a behavioral bridge to the possible self
Identify one specific behavior your hoped-for self does that you can do today — then do it.
Possible Selves, Made Practical - Map your actual, ideal, and ought selves
Write separate descriptions of who you are, who you want to be, and who you feel you must be — then compare them.
Self-Discrepancy Theory, Made Practical - The values–behavior gap check
Audit the last week: which of your top values did your actual decisions honor?
Values Card Sort - Use decisive action to build, not just express, self-concept clarity
Make and keep commitments deliberately — each kept commitment is data that builds a clearer self-knowledge over time.
Self-Concept Clarity, Made Practical - Rate your current position in each domain
Mark on each domain’s bullseye how closely your recent behavior has matched the value — honestly.
Values Bullseye, Made Practical - Audit your self-beliefs for consistency
Find the places where you hold contradictory beliefs about yourself and decide which is actually true.
Self-Concept Clarity, Made Practical - Committed action: making specific, values-linked behavioral commitments
Translate a value into a specific, observable action you commit to this week.
Values-Based Action (ACT), Made Practical
Related concerns
- Ideal Self Gap
When you fall short of your ideal self, the response is building toward it — not abandoning the ideal or condemning the actual.
Close the ideal-self gap through growth, not erasure
- Why The Gap Between Who I Am And Who I Want To Be Matters
Mark on each domain’s bullseye how closely your recent behavior has matched the value — honestly.
Rate your current position in each domain
- Act Values
Values-based action in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) means choosing behaviors that are consistent with what matters most to you — your values — rather than behaviors driven by avoidance of pain or approval-seeking. ACT distinguishes values (directions, ongoing) from goals (destinations, finishable); the emphasis is on the quality of action in the present rather than outcome attainment. ACT has robust meta-analytic support; values-based action is identified as a core mechanism.
- Act Values Clarification
Values-based action in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) means choosing behaviors that are consistent with what matters most to you — your values — rather than behaviors driven by avoidance of pain or approval-seeking. ACT distinguishes values (directions, ongoing) from goals (destinations, finishable); the emphasis is on the quality of action in the present rather than outcome attainment. ACT has robust meta-analytic support; values-based action is identified as a core mechanism.
- Act Values Worksheet
The values bullseye, developed by Tobias Lundgren within the ACT framework, is a visual exercise in which you rate how close your current behavior is to the bullseye in four life domains — work, relationships, personal growth, and leisure. It converts abstract values into a concrete gap-analysis, making it easier to choose one committed action that moves you toward the center. The exercise is part of the established ACT toolkit; direct evidence for the instrument is limited but the underlying ACT framework has substantial support.
- Aligning Actions With Values
Values-based action in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) means choosing behaviors that are consistent with what matters most to you — your values — rather than behaviors driven by avoidance of pain or approval-seeking. ACT distinguishes values (directions, ongoing) from goals (destinations, finishable); the emphasis is on the quality of action in the present rather than outcome attainment. ACT has robust meta-analytic support; values-based action is identified as a core mechanism.
Describe your situation in your own words to search the complete practice library.