Coaching practices for Why Am I So Insecure and Jealous in My Relationship

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Why Am I So Insecure and Jealous in My Relationship, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• I keep hitting the exact insecurity my partner is most ashamed of
• My partner sided with their family over me again, or didn’t back me up in front of others, and I’m left unsure whether they’ll actually put us first when it counts
• I figure my partner just knows I’m in this and committed, so I almost never actually say it out loud anymore
• I keep waiting to feel safe enough in this relationship before I let my guard down, and it never comes
• I love my partner, but I catch myself reacting to them as if they’ll never change

Practices that may help

1. Avoiding anti-ideal confirmation: the sculpting that harms
   Identify the ways you routinely treat your partner as their non-ideal (worst) self, and stop.
   The Michelangelo Phenomenon: How Partners Sculpt Each Other
2. Create and protect the couple bubble
   Agree that you each put the relationship above any third party, including family of origin.
   Secure-Functioning Relationships
3. Give regular assurances of commitment
   Explicitly remind your partner of your love, commitment, and investment in the relationship.
   Relationship Maintenance Behaviors
4. Build secure-functioning habits
   Practice the behaviors of secure attachment — reliability, responsiveness, repair — on purpose.
   Attachment Theory, Made Usable
5. Behavioral confirmation audit: how are you treating your partner?
   Regularly examine whether your daily behavior toward your partner confirms their ideal self or their non-ideal self.
   The Michelangelo Phenomenon: How Partners Sculpt Each Other
6. Moving from other-validation to self-validation
   Gradually replace the need for your partner’s approval with the ability to hold your own self-regard.
   Differentiation of Self: David Schnarch’s Framework for Passionate Marriage
7. Move toward a secure baseline -- in yourself first
   Security is a state you can practice moving toward, regardless of which partner moves first.
   The Anxious-Avoidant Trap: Why Opposites Attract and Then Struggle
8. Share your own inner world to build the map reciprocally
   Let your partner map you -- disclose what is actually on your mind, not just the surface.
   Love Maps: Knowing Your Partner's Inner World
9. Choose and co-create secure relationships
   Move toward partners and dynamics that reward openness, and build security together.
   Attachment Theory, Made Usable
10. Explicitly asking your partner to treat you as your ideal self
    Name one quality of your ideal self and ask your partner to treat you as if you already have it.
    The Michelangelo Phenomenon: How Partners Sculpt Each Other

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