Let go of others’ opinions of you

Another’s contempt is their judgment, not your business; only your own conduct is yours to mind.

Why it works

Epictetus points out that other people’s opinions are firmly in the "not up to us" column, so staking your peace on them is a guaranteed loss. He even advises welcoming criticism: if it’s true, fix it; if it’s false, it costs you nothing. This severs your equanimity from a variable — others’ approval — you can never fully control.

How to do it

1. When stung by someone’s opinion, note that their judgment is in their power, not yours.
2. Ask whether the criticism is accurate; if so, use it, and if not, let it pass.
3. Return your attention to your own conduct, which is the only verdict that’s yours to deliver.

Evidence

Relates to research linking contingent self-worth (basing self-esteem on others’ approval) to greater distress, and to defusion techniques that loosen the grip of others’ evaluations. The Stoic framing predates and parallels these. (observational)

The contingent-self-worth link is studied; the specific Stoic practice is philosophical. Total indifference to all feedback is its own failure mode — Epictetus keeps the part where true criticism is used.

Common mistake

Swinging to "I don’t care what anyone thinks" and ignoring accurate feedback. The skill is using true criticism and releasing only the part you can’t control — their approval.