Pro-relationship maintenance behaviors

Actively do things that maintain and strengthen the relationship, rather than expecting it to run itself.

Why it works

Relationships are not self-maintaining systems — they require active input to hold satisfaction above the gradual entropy of routine. Rusbult identified a cluster of pro-relationship maintenance behaviors (acknowledging interdependence, discussing shared futures, expressing commitment) that are distinct from just being present. These behaviors reinforce both partners’ sense of commitment, creating a virtuous cycle.

How to do it

1. Schedule one deliberate maintenance conversation per month: "How are we doing? What would make this better for each of us?"
2. Verbalize commitment explicitly in non-crisis moments: "I’m in this for the long run."
3. Keep a shared forward-looking plan — a trip, project, or goal that exists in your future together.
4. Acknowledge the relationship publicly when the opportunity arises — introduce your partner with warmth, refer to shared plans.
5. Track one maintenance behavior each week rather than trying to change everything at once.

Evidence

Relationship maintenance behaviors are associated with relationship quality in survey research; Stafford and Canary’s maintenance behavior taxonomy overlaps substantially with Rusbult’s pro-relationship constructs. (observational)

Relationship maintenance research is correlational; couples who naturally do more maintenance may differ from low-maintenance couples in ways that confound the measure.

Sources

• Canary & Stafford (1992), Relational maintenance strategies, Communication Monographs

Common mistake

Doing maintenance behaviors only in crisis — which trains the partner to associate positive behavior with problems rather than with the relationship’s ongoing identity.