Oscillate between grief and sense-making

Allow periods of pure grief alongside periods of meaning construction — both are necessary.

Why it works

Meaning-making is not a continuous activity; it requires periods of emotional processing (grief felt) to generate the material that sense-making organises. If meaning is pursued prematurely as a way to avoid grief emotion, it becomes intellectualisation. If grief is sustained without any meaning-making interludes, it becomes overwhelming. The oscillation between them is how meaning reconstruction actually works in practice.

How to do it

1. Notice when you are in an emotional-processing phase (feeling the grief) and when you are in a sense-making phase (finding meaning).
2. Allow both — do not force meaning when grief is acute, and do not resist meaning when it begins to emerge.
3. Use journaling to capture meaning-making insights when they arise, so they are available to return to after emotional phases.
4. Track the ratio over time; as grief progresses, meaning-making phases typically lengthen.

Evidence

The oscillation between emotional processing and cognitive sense-making is consistent with the Dual Process Model and with Neimeyer’s framework; both specify that both processes are needed and that oscillation between them is healthy. (mechanistic)

The timing and form of meaning-making varies greatly by person; forced or premature sense-making can be invalidating and is associated with poorer outcomes in some studies.

Common mistake

Staying in sense-making mode because it is more comfortable than grief emotion, using meaning construction as a sophisticated form of emotional avoidance.