Lead with generosity, not an agenda

Enter every networking context asking what you can give, not what you can get.

Why it works

Transactional intent is socially detectable: people respond to an agenda-driven interaction by becoming guarded and less willing to give genuine information or access. Arriving with genuine curiosity and something to offer changes the social dynamic entirely — it activates reciprocity norms and positions you as a resource rather than a supplicant.

How to do it

1. Before any networking meeting, identify one specific thing you could give this person — an idea, a connection, information.
2. Open the conversation by asking about them, not pitching yourself.
3. Save any requests for later in the relationship, and only when you’ve built genuine goodwill.
4. If you have nothing to give, develop something — expertise, a perspective, a network — before you start asking.

Evidence

Reciprocity research (Cialdini, Gouldner) consistently shows that giving first creates a felt obligation to reciprocate. Leading with generosity is a practitioner application of this principle to networking. (mechanistic)

Calculatedly strategic giving can be perceived as manipulative if the intent is too transparent; authentic interest and genuine giving are what make this work.

Sources

• Cialdini (2001), Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion

Common mistake

Starting the first conversation with your pitch, your need, or your background — which immediately frames the relationship as one-directional.