Request that the other person reflect back what they heard

Ask for a reflection, not a response — it tells you whether communication actually happened.

Why it works

Asking someone to reflect back what they heard from a request serves two functions: it checks comprehension (did the words mean the same thing to both people?) and it slows the conversation enough for genuine reception rather than reactive response. Communication failures — including requests that don’t get met — are often failures of comprehension rather than goodwill. The reflection test reveals these failures before they become conflicts.

How to do it

1. After making a request, ask: "Can you tell me what you heard me asking for?"
2. Listen to the reflection for accuracy — especially whether the specific, doable element was captured.
3. If the reflection missed the key element, re-state it more specifically without frustration.
4. After a correct reflection, check: "Does that seem like something you can do?"

Evidence

Comprehension checks are a principle from communication research: the receiver’s interpretation of a message often diverges from the sender’s intent, and checking before acting on assumed understanding prevents the downstream failure. (mechanistic)

Mechanistic and practitioner-supported; direct studies of this specific technique in ordinary conversation are limited, though the comprehension-checking principle is broadly supported.

Common mistake

Taking lack of objection as confirmation that the message landed — silence or "okay" frequently indicates that the message was received but not understood, especially for complex or emotionally loaded requests.