Receive feedback without defending or dismissing
Take in critical feedback completely before evaluating it — and look for the part that is true.
Why it works
Overcontrolled individuals often have sophisticated and rapid defenses against feedback that challenges their self-model: they find the factual error in the critic’s framing, the ulterior motive, or the exception that proves their approach correct. These defenses are fast and feel like intellectual integrity. The radical openness practice is to deliberately slow the defense sequence and search for the signal in the feedback before rejecting the noise.
How to do it
- When receiving feedback, resist responding immediately — count to five, or say "thank you, let me think about that."
- Before evaluating accuracy, search for the part that is correct, even if only partially.
- Write down the feedback as given — not your interpretation of it — and review it 24 hours later when defensiveness has subsided.
Evidence
Feedback-seeking and openness to criticism are associated with faster skill acquisition and better performance in learning and organizational research; defensive responding is associated with slower skill development and reduced accuracy of self-assessment. (observational)
Feedback research is in professional and learning contexts; the application to RO-DBT’s openness practice is an extension of those findings to therapeutic settings.
Sources
- Ashford, Blatt & VandeWalle (2003), feedback seeking in organizations, Journal of Management
Common mistake
Finding the one inaccuracy in the feedback and using it to dismiss the entire message — which is intellectually defensible but produces no learning from feedback that is partially true.
Practice this with IX Coach
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More practices for Radical Openness: The RO-DBT Approach to Overcontrol and Loneliness
- Recognize overcontrol signals in your own behavior
Notice the specific behaviors that signal you are controlling more than the situation requires.
- Practice flexible responding when your first instinct is to resist
When you feel the urge to correct, control, or stick rigidly to a plan — pause and try a deliberate alternative.
- Practice calibrated self-disclosure to allow genuine connection
Share something true about your inner experience — not performed, not calculated — to let someone in.
- Use genuine facial expressions and body language — not managed ones
Let your face and body reflect what you are actually experiencing so others can read and respond to you.
- Learn to distinguish necessary control from overcontrol
Not all restraint is overcontrol — identify when control is required and when it is costing more than it protects.
- Replace harsh self-criticism with compassionate self-enquiry
When the inner critic fires, respond with curious investigation rather than more demands.
Related concepts
- Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Skills, Made Practical
The four DBT skill sets, the mechanisms behind them, and an honest read on the evidence
- Radical Acceptance, Made Practical
Ending the second arrow — RAIN and the skills of accepting what is
- Self-Compassion, Made Practical
The three components, the mechanisms, and where the evidence is strong