Use genuine facial expressions and body language — not managed ones

Let your face and body reflect what you are actually experiencing so others can read and respond to you.

Why it works

The overcontrolled pattern extends to nonverbal communication: facial expressions are monitored and modulated to present a desired impression rather than to communicate genuine internal states. This management impairs the social signaling that regulates relationships — others cannot respond to what they cannot see. RO-DBT holds that unmanaged genuine expression, even of negative states, is the primary vehicle for social connection and co-regulation.

How to do it

1. In low-stakes interactions this week, allow your face to express what you feel rather than what you intend to project.
2. Notice when you suppress an expression — a wince, a smile, a look of uncertainty — and experiment with not suppressing it.
3. Observe what happens in the other person when they receive a genuine expression.

Evidence

Genuine (Duchenne) facial expressions are reliably distinguished from managed expressions by observers and are associated with greater trust and likeability; emotional display rules that suppress genuine expression impair social coordination and felt connection. (observational)

The expression authenticity research is observational; direct evidence that deliberately practicing unmanaged expression improves social connection in overcontrolled individuals is clinical rather than trialed.

Sources

• Ekman & Friesen (1982), felt, false, and miserable smiles, Journal of Nonverbal Behavior

Common mistake

Interpreting social signaling practice as performing emotions — deliberately showing emotions you don’t have. The practice is specifically about releasing suppression of emotions you do have, not manufacturing new ones.