Regularly share novel and enjoyable activities

Do new things together — not only comfortable or habitual ones.

Why it works

Shared activities are a core maintenance behavior, but novelty specifically matters. Arthur Aron’s self-expansion research shows that engaging in new, arousing activities together reactivates the attraction and excitement associated with early relationship stages, because physiological arousal generated by novelty is partly attributed to the partner. Routine activities maintain companionship; novel activities maintain attraction.

How to do it

1. Schedule at least one genuinely new activity per month — not a variation on what you already do.
2. Include your partner’s interests even if they don’t overlap with yours; expansion is part of the mechanism.
3. Notice and comment on what you enjoyed about seeing your partner in a new context.
4. Treat the effort of planning new activities as part of the maintenance investment, not a burden.

Evidence

Aron and colleagues found in experimental and survey studies that engaging in novel, arousing activities together increased self-reported relationship quality compared to familiar activities. (rct)

The novelty effect may attenuate over time as activities become familiar; the mechanism requires ongoing introduction of genuinely new experiences, not only varied forms of the same category.

Sources

• Aron, Norman, Aron, McKenna & Heyman (2000), couples shared participation in novel activities, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology

Common mistake

Counting habitual shared activities as maintenance novelty — "we do things together all the time" when those things are the same predictable repertoire.