Invest in shared social networks

Spend time with people who affirm and are connected to both of you as a couple.

Why it works

Stafford’s model includes spending time with friends and family who know both partners as a couple as a maintenance behavior — not incidental socializing. Shared social networks provide external affirmation of the relationship’s existence and value, which reinforces the partners’ own investment. Networks also provide shared experiences, inside references, and social accountability that independently predict relationship commitment.

How to do it

1. Identify the friends and family who know both of you and whom you see together — not just separately.
2. Schedule regular time with at least one couple or group that the relationship is embedded in.
3. Introduce new people to your partner rather than maintaining parallel social lives.
4. After social events, name what you enjoyed about experiencing your partner in that context.

Evidence

Network overlap and social approval are associated with relationship commitment and stability in both Stafford’s maintenance research and the broader social network literature on relationships. (observational)

Network effects are correlational; shared networks may reflect relationship investment rather than cause it. Effect sizes for this maintenance category are smaller than for positivity or assurances.

Sources

• Stafford & Canary (1991), maintenance strategies and romantic relationship type, Communication Monographs
• Parks & Adelman (1983), communication networks and relationship dissolution, Human Communication Research

Common mistake

Socializing in parallel (each partner with their own friends) without investing in the shared network — which leaves the relationship without external relational embedding.