Send yourself the same loving wishes you send others

Expand loving-kindness practice inward — toward yourself as you would toward a beloved friend.

Why it works

Most people who practice loving-kindness (metta) easily send warmth outward but experience a wall when directing it inward, often exposing the degree to which the inner critic has been running on autopilot. Explicitly directing the phrases inward trains the attentional habit of including oneself in the circle of care.

How to do it

1. Begin with a benefactor or easy person as the warm-up target.
2. Shift to yourself and use the same phrases: "May I be safe. May I be healthy. May I live with ease."
3. If resistance arises, notice it with curiosity rather than pushing through — the noticing itself is the practice.

Evidence

Loving-kindness meditation directed at the self has shown increases in positive affect and self-compassion in multiple studies, and one RCT found it reduced self-criticism in self-critical participants specifically. (rct)

Samples are typically non-clinical; effect sizes vary, and self-report measures of compassion are susceptible to demand characteristics.

Sources

• Shahar et al. (2015), loving-kindness and self-criticism RCT, Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy

Common mistake

Forcing the warmth — trying to feel it by effort — rather than simply offering the phrases as intentions and allowing whatever arises. The phrases are invitations, not commands.