Interrupt contempt -- the relationship's single most corrosive pattern

Contempt -- moral superiority, mockery, eye-rolling -- is the strongest predictor of relationship breakdown.

Why it works

Contempt communicates disgust and moral superiority -- that the partner is beneath you. Unlike criticism, which attacks a behavior, contempt attacks the person's worth. In Gottman's data, contempt was the single strongest predictor of divorce. Physiologically, it produces sustained high arousal in the receiving partner, making rational engagement impossible. The antidote is genuine appreciation and admiration -- which is incompatible with contempt.

How to do it

1. Notice contempt in its many forms: sarcasm, mockery, eye-rolling, dismissive sighs, name-calling.
2. Stop the behavior immediately when you catch it -- even mid-sentence.
3. Build a regular practice of genuine appreciation for your partner to counter the accumulated resentment that fuels contempt.
4. If contempt is chronic, treat it as a signal that resentment needs direct attention, not just surface suppression.

Evidence

Gottman's observational research identified contempt as the single strongest predictor of divorce among the four horsemen, detectable from brief thin-slice conversation samples. (observational)

The predictive accuracy claims (often cited as 93% accuracy) have been questioned; the directionality -- contempt predicts worse outcomes -- is more firmly supported than any specific precision figure.

Sources

• Gottman & Levenson (1992), Marital processes predictive of later dissolution, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology

Common mistake

Targeting only the surface behavior (eye-rolling) rather than the underlying resentment and superiority that produces it -- which means the contempt returns in different forms.