Explore Reality — establish an honest assessment of the current situation
Help the person see their current situation clearly and specifically, without judgment or premature solutions.
Why it works
People enter coaching conversations with a mix of accurate observation and defensive interpretation. The Reality phase distinguishes these: the coach asks for specific facts ("what exactly happened?"), not conclusions ("it’s a disaster"). Concrete specificity disrupts catastrophizing and exposes gaps in the person’s own knowledge of their situation. The coach’s questions serve as a cognitive mirror.
How to do it
- Ask descriptive questions: "What is actually happening?" "What have you tried?" "What happened when you did that?"
- Resist the pull to offer your own reality assessment — your job is to help them see theirs more clearly.
- When you hear an interpretation ("he doesn’t respect me"), ask for the specific observable behavior: "What did he do or say that led you to that conclusion?"
- Ask about what is going well, not just what’s wrong — reality is not only problems.
Evidence
Accurate situational assessment is a prerequisite for effective problem-solving. Research on cognitive biases shows people consistently overweight interpretation relative to observation; descriptive questioning counteracts this. (mechanistic)
The Reality phase is based on sound questioning principles; controlled trials of the GROW model as a whole are limited. Most evidence comes from coaching practice and qualitative research.
Common mistake
Accepting the person’s initial framing of reality as accurate and moving on — which means subsequent options and commitments are built on a distorted base.
Practice this with IX Coach
7 days free, then $40/month (~$1.30/day).
More practices for The GROW Model: Coaching Conversations That Actually Move People
- Set the Goal — establish what the conversation is for
Begin every coaching conversation by clarifying what the person wants to achieve in this session.
- Generate Options — explore the full range of possibilities before committing
Invite the person to generate as many options as possible before evaluating any of them.
- Secure Will — convert the best option into a specific commitment
Close the conversation with a specific, self-declared commitment to a concrete next action.
- Maintain a high question-to-statement ratio throughout GROW
Ask questions far more often than you offer statements — the coachee’s thinking is the product.
- Raise awareness and build responsibility simultaneously
Help the person see their situation more clearly while also connecting them to their ownership of it.
- Use GROW in brief leadership conversations, not just formal coaching sessions
Apply GROW structure to 5-minute hallway conversations and 1-on-1 check-ins — not only to hour-long coaching sessions.
Related concepts
- Motivational Interviewing, Made Practical
Evoking change talk, the spirit behind it, and where the evidence is real
- Feedforward: Future-Focused Feedback That Actually Changes Behavior
Replacing critique with future-focused suggestions — and the mechanisms behind it
- The Coaching Habit: Seven Questions to Be More Coach-Like
Seven questions that make you more useful than advice — and why they work
- Self-Efficacy: Building the Belief You Can
The four sources of efficacy beliefs, and how to grow each one