Use self-deprecating humor — selectively

Laughing at yourself in a low-stakes moment signals security and reduces social distance.

Why it works

Self-deprecating humor signals that the person’s self-concept is secure enough to tolerate being the butt of their own joke — which is itself a high-status display. It also reduces the gap between a high-competence person and their audience by momentarily leveling the field, which reduces social threat. The selectivity matters: humor about irrelevant quirks works; humor about core competence undermines the competence baseline.

How to do it

1. Find a genuine, observable quirk or minor habit to joke about — something that’s true but inconsequential.
2. Keep it brief: a one-liner lands better than an anecdote.
3. Avoid self-deprecation about the skills the other party is relying on you for — the pratfall effect has limits.

Evidence

Research on humor and social distance finds that appropriate humor — including self-directed humor — is consistently associated with increased liking and perceived approachability. The mechanism links to benign-violation theory: laughter arises when something is simultaneously surprising and non-threatening. (observational)

Most humor-and-liking research measures general humor rather than isolating self-deprecation specifically; context-sensitivity of the effect is well noted but less rigorously mapped.

Common mistake

Using self-deprecating humor about core job competencies ("I’m terrible at finances, but…") in a professional context where the audience is depending on exactly that competence.