Coaching practices for Awe and the Small Self During Conflict
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Awe and the Small Self During Conflict, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- The moment an argument heats up I either shut down and flee or cave just to make it stop
- My own problems have swollen up to fill my entire world and I can’t see past them
- Every disagreement turns into me versus them, like we’re opponents trying to win instead of two people up against the same problem
- In the moments something vast cracks me open, I feel this soft pull toward everyone and everything
- Somewhere in this I stopped seeing a problem we both have and started seeing the other person AS the problem
Practices that may help
- Awe and the Small Self
Dacher Keltner’s research shows that awe — the response to something vast that exceeds our current frame — reliably produces the "small self": a felt diminishment of individual concerns that is experienced as expansive rather than deflating. This shift reduces self-focused rumination, increases prosocial behavior, and expands the sense of available time. The core effects are well replicated; the neural and downstream health claims are more preliminary. - Use fierce self-compassion to stay in hard conversations
Stay present in conflict by meeting your own distress with compassion, so you don't flee or attack.
Fierce Self-Compassion, Made Practical - Deliberately invoke the small-self shift
Seek an encounter with something genuinely vast to let your personal concerns be re-proportioned.
Awe and the Small Self - Fight the problem, not each other
Reorient conflict so both partners face the problem together rather than facing each other.
Secure-Functioning Relationships - Use awe to reconnect with something larger than yourself
When awe makes the self feel small, follow the natural impulse toward belonging — toward community, nature, or humanity at large.
Awe and Well-Being, Made Practical - Separate the person from the problem
Treat the conflict as a problem you face together, not a contest you fight each other.
The Third Alternative, Made Practical - Working with Multiple Selves (Chair Work in CFT)
Give voice to different internal parts — the critic, the anxious self, the compassionate self — to understand and change the dialogue.
Compassion-Focused Therapy: Calming the Inner Critic - Courting the small self
Seek experiences that make you feel small in a good way — and notice the relief in it.
Awe Walks, and the Science of Wonder - Turn toward during conflict, not just during calm
Bids happen in the middle of arguments — recognizing them mid-fight changes everything.
Turning Toward: The Daily Practice That Builds Relationship Resilience - Responding to conflict without escalation
In a conflict, address the problem without attacking the person.
Ahimsa: Non-Violence as a Daily Practice
Related concerns
- The One Thing During Conflict
Pursue your own position firmly when speed, principle, or stakes outweigh the relationship cost.
Competing (assertive, uncooperative)
- Turning Conflict Inward
Treat the conflict as a problem you face together, not a contest you fight each other.
Separate the person from the problem
- Awe And The Small Self
Dacher Keltner’s research shows that awe — the response to something vast that exceeds our current frame — reliably produces the "small self": a felt diminishment of individual concerns that is experienced as expansive rather than deflating. This shift reduces self-focused rumination, increases prosocial behavior, and expands the sense of available time. The core effects are well replicated; the neural and downstream health claims are more preliminary.
- Awe And The Small Self After A Loss
Dacher Keltner’s research shows that awe — the response to something vast that exceeds our current frame — reliably produces the "small self": a felt diminishment of individual concerns that is experienced as expansive rather than deflating. This shift reduces self-focused rumination, increases prosocial behavior, and expands the sense of available time. The core effects are well replicated; the neural and downstream health claims are more preliminary.
- Awe And The Small Self After A Setback
When you fail or stall, return to the hoped-for self — not to the outcome goal — as your re-orienting anchor.
Invoke the possible self during setbacks
- Awe And The Small Self As A Caregiver
Dacher Keltner’s research shows that awe — the response to something vast that exceeds our current frame — reliably produces the "small self": a felt diminishment of individual concerns that is experienced as expansive rather than deflating. This shift reduces self-focused rumination, increases prosocial behavior, and expands the sense of available time. The core effects are well replicated; the neural and downstream health claims are more preliminary.
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