Coaching practices for Compassion From Suffering

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Compassion From Suffering, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• Someone I love is suffering and there is nothing I can actually do to fix it, and that helplessness is unbearable
• My pain comes wrapped in this lonely conviction that I’m the only one who feels this exact thing, that something’s uniquely wrong with me
• A hard moment just hit and I can feel the spiral starting
• On top of the actual problem there’s this lonely conviction that I’m the only one who falls apart like this, that everyone else has it together
• Whatever I’m feeling, I pile on top of it

Practices that may help

1. Direct tonglen toward a specific suffering person
   Bring a person who is suffering to mind and breathe in their pain; breathe out whatever would give them relief.
   Tonglen: The Tibetan Practice of Taking and Sending
2. Expand tonglen to include all beings who share this suffering
   Whatever you are suffering, countless others feel it too — breathe in the shared pain, breathe out shared relief.
   Tonglen: The Tibetan Practice of Taking and Sending
3. The self-compassion break
   A three-step phrase you say in a hard moment: this is suffering, suffering is human, may I be kind to myself.
   Self-Compassion, Made Practical
4. Common humanity: remember you are not alone
   Say to yourself: "Suffering is a part of life — I am not alone in this."
   The Self-Compassion Break
5. N — Nurture with self-compassion
   Offer the part that is suffering what it most needs — care, acknowledgment, reassurance — as you would a dear friend.
   RAIN Meditation: Tara Brach’s Four-Step Practice
6. Acknowledge: name what is hard
   Place a hand on your heart and say, "This is a moment of suffering."
   The Self-Compassion Break
7. Shared condition meditation
   Sit briefly with the awareness that right now, thousands of people are feeling exactly what you feel.
   Common Humanity, Made Practical
8. Use flash tonglen in the moment of encountering suffering
   A single in-breath of someone’s pain and an out-breath of goodwill is a complete act of tonglen.
   Tonglen: The Tibetan Practice of Taking and Sending
9. Recognize backdraft — the pain that arises when kindness first lands
   When self-compassion initially hurts more, that is backdraft — a sign it is working, not failing.
   The Self-Compassion Break
10. Tonglen: sending and taking
    Breathe in suffering (yours and others’); breathe out relief and well-being.
    Lojong: Tibetan Mind Training

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