Coaching practices for Curiosity in Conflict
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Curiosity in Conflict, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- I’m one click away from escalating this
- We both keep digging into our positions and neither of us is really hearing why the other one cares
- Everything has gone flat and routine
- Something’s genuinely wrong here and there’s no time to coax everyone to a comfortable yes
- I walk into these talks already certain I know exactly what happened and just there to deliver my conclusion
Practices that may help
- Investigate before escalating
Ask one honest clarifying question before taking action on an assumed motive.
Hanlon's Razor: Never Attribute to Malice What Stupidity Can Explain - Collaborating (assertive and cooperative)
Work the underlying interests until you find a solution that genuinely meets both sides’ needs.
The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles - Cultivate curiosity as a daily emotional practice
Curiosity is a broadening emotion that expands attentional scope and drives exploratory behavior — it can be deliberately triggered.
Broaden-and-Build, Made Practical - Competing (assertive, uncooperative)
Pursue your own position firmly when speed, principle, or stakes outweigh the relationship cost.
The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles - Adopt the learning stance
Trade "I know what happened" for "I want to understand what happened for you".
Difficult Conversations, Made Practical - Notice when you are in soldier mode
Catch the moment your brain shifts from truth-seeking to self-defending.
The Scout Mindset - Map shared values before mapping the disagreement
In any conflict, identify the values or goals you and the other person genuinely share before cataloguing differences.
Naive Realism: Why Everyone Thinks They See Things as They Are - Use fierce self-compassion to stay in hard conversations
Stay present in conflict by meeting your own distress with compassion, so you don't flee or attack.
Fierce Self-Compassion, Made Practical - Transform the relationship, not just the issue
Use each conflict as an opportunity to raise the quality of the relationship itself.
The Third Alternative, Made Practical - Recognize when to shift modes mid-conflict
The mode that’s right at the start of a conversation may not be right ten minutes in.
The Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI)
Related concerns
- Essentialism During Conflict
In any conflict, identify the values or goals you and the other person genuinely share before cataloguing differences.
Map shared values before mapping the disagreement
- Nature And Movement During Conflict
Before you can choose a mode, you have to know which one you use automatically.
Identify your default conflict mode
- Tony Robbins Core Practices During Conflict
Tony Robbins’ method centers on deliberately managing your internal state — through priming, physiology, language, and focus — so that better decisions and actions follow. The practices range from well-supported (gratitude, slow breathing, mental rehearsal) to mechanistically plausible but thinly studied (incantations).
- Assertive Conflict Approach
Pursue your own position firmly when speed, principle, or stakes outweigh the relationship cost.
Competing (assertive, uncooperative)
- Circle Of Competence During Conflict
Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger’s circle of competence is the idea that each person has a domain where their knowledge is genuinely deep, and that the highest-quality decisions come from staying inside that domain — or clearly knowing when you have stepped outside it. The hard part is not identifying the circle but accurately estimating its size.
- Clarifying Questions Before Conflict
Ask one honest clarifying question before taking action on an assumed motive.
Investigate before escalating
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