Coaching practices for Feelings Are Not Facts
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Feelings Are Not Facts, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- I feel like a fraud, so I must be one
- The feeling that I’m about to be exposed is so strong it just registers as fact
- On paper this is the obviously rational call, but there’s a gut unease about it nobody will say out loud because we can’t justify it logically
- Someone read my message and didn’t reply, and now I’m spun up and certain they’re angry at me
- He didn’t text back and I instantly decided it means he’s pulling away from me
Practices that may help
- Emotional reasoning
Treat a feeling as direct evidence about external reality: "I feel like a fraud, so I must be one."
Cognitive Distortions: The Thinking Errors Behind Anxiety and Depression - Separate feelings from facts
Treat "I feel incompetent" as a feeling to examine, not a fact to act on.
Overcoming Imposter Syndrome, Made Practical - Red hat: name the emotions without justifying them
Give feelings a legitimate place in the discussion — the red hat makes emotional data explicit so it stops running covertly.
Six Thinking Hats, Made Practical - Check the facts
Before acting on an emotion, ask whether your interpretation of the situation actually fits the evidence.
DBT Emotion Regulation Skills, Made Practical - Identify the interpretation driving the emotion
Find the specific thought or belief that is generating the emotional response — not the event, but the meaning you assigned.
Check the Facts, Made Practical - Identifying and expressing feelings
Name the actual emotion underneath, distinct from thoughts disguised as feelings.
Nonviolent Communication (NVC), Made Practical - Ask whether the emotion fits the facts
After checking, decide whether your emotion is warranted by the actual facts — not the interpretation.
Check the Facts, Made Practical - Acknowledge feelings before addressing facts
People cannot hear your content until they feel their emotion has been received.
Looping for Understanding (Difficult Conversations) - Locate the emotion in the body as well as naming it
After naming an emotion on the Feeling Wheel, find where it lives in the body.
The Feeling Wheel: Building Emotional Vocabulary - Decide on a regulation strategy based on what the facts actually show
Use the outcome of checking the facts to choose the right next step — not the same step every time.
Check the Facts, Made Practical
Related concerns
- Feelings Vs Facts
Treat "I feel incompetent" as a feeling to examine, not a fact to act on.
Separate feelings from facts
- Emotion Fits The Facts
Recognizing that vivid individual stories feel more compelling than identical statistics helps you allocate attention and resources more rationally.
Correct for “identified victim” over-weighting
- Emotional Reasoning
Give feelings a legitimate place in the discussion — the red hat makes emotional data explicit so it stops running covertly.
Red hat: name the emotions without justifying them
- Emotional Reasoning Cbt
Test whether an emotion fits the facts; if it doesn’t, act opposite to its urge to change it.
Check the facts and opposite action
- Feeling As Fact
Treat "I feel incompetent" as a feeling to examine, not a fact to act on.
- When The Stop Skill Observe Mindfully
After the stop, observe the situation, your emotions, and your urges — without judgment and without acting on them.
O — Observe: Notice What Is Actually Happening
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