Coaching practices for Harm Repair Framework

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Harm Repair Framework, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• Something went wrong between us and everyone immediately jumps to whose fault it is
• We’re trying to settle this just between the two of us, but the truth is a whole group felt the fallout and their trust took a hit too
• I’ve started treating every fight we have as proof that something’s broken between us, and because we never really circle back to mend them afterward, each unfinished one chips away at all the good we’ve built
• I keep waiting until the argument's over to make things right, and by then the damage is done
• After we fight we just let it sit for days with neither of us reaching out, and the hurt quietly piles up until I start reading even neutral things they do as another little jab

Practices that may help

1. Ask the three restorative questions
   Start every harm conversation with: who was hurt, what do they need, and who is responsible for meeting those needs?
   Restorative Justice (Howard Zehr)
2. Involve the affected community, not just the two parties
   Harm rarely affects only two people — include those affected by the ripple.
   Restorative Justice (Howard Zehr)
3. Treat conflict as maintenance, not maintenance failure
   Repair well and quickly — because how you end conflict matters more than how you conduct it.
   Relationship Maintenance Behaviors
4. Make small repairs during conflict -- not only big apologies after
   A touch, a softer tone, a brief I love you mid-argument is repair -- use it.
   Repair Attempts: Gottman's Key to Surviving Conflict in Relationships
5. Restorative Justice (Howard Zehr)
   Restorative justice is an approach to harm that focuses on repairing relationships and meeting the needs of those harmed, rather than on punishment. Developed by Howard Zehr and others, it asks three questions: Who was harmed? What do they need? Who is responsible for meeting those needs? Research on restorative programs shows higher victim satisfaction and, in many contexts, lower reoffending compared to conventional punitive approaches — though results vary by context.
6. Repair quickly and thoroughly
   Don’t let injuries accumulate — repair within hours or days, not weeks.
   Secure-Functioning Relationships
7. Repair Attempts: Gottman's Key to Surviving Conflict in Relationships
   A repair attempt is any move -- humor, an apology, a softened tone, a bid to take a break -- that tries to lower conflict tension before it spirals. John Gottman's research found that whether couples successfully made and accepted repair attempts was a key marker separating stable from distressed couples. It is not avoiding conflict that matters most; it is the ability to repair within it.
8. Plan repair for the harms the behavior caused
   After understanding the chain, make a concrete plan to address the damage it caused.
   Behavioral Chain Analysis: The DBT Method for Understanding Problem Behaviors
9. Make the harm visible through an impact statement
   The person who caused harm must hear — in detail — what the harm actually did to the person harmed.
   Restorative Justice (Howard Zehr)
10. Repair explicitly after each cycle episode
    Every cycle episode needs a deliberate closing repair — not just the fight ending.
    The Pursuer-Withdrawer Cycle, Explained

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