Coaching practices for How Do I Know What I Want in Life After Failing in Every Goal That I Set
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For How Do I Know What I Want in Life After Failing in Every Goal That I Set, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- I hit one failure and the whole goal suddenly feels impossibly far away
- I just hit a real failure
- I keep abandoning goals the second they get hard, and I’m starting to suspect it’s because they were never really mine
- There’s a goal I keep flogging myself to pursue and it just won’t stick
- I slipped up once and now I’m stuck replaying how badly I blew it, spiraling into "I just have to stop messing up"
Practices that may help
- Invoke the possible self during setbacks
When you fail or stall, return to the hoped-for self — not to the outcome goal — as your re-orienting anchor.
Possible Selves, Made Practical - Recover from setbacks without quitting the goal
Build a routine for bouncing back so setbacks don’t end the pursuit.
Grit: Passion and Perseverance, Honestly Assessed - Relevant — anchor it to what you actually want
Confirm the goal serves a value or larger aim you genuinely hold.
SMART Goals That Actually Move - Using your ranked values as a coaching north star
Return to your ranked values list every time a goal, project, or decision feels off-track.
Values Card Sort - Maintain approach framing after a setback
When you miss, ask "what does success look like from here?" rather than "how bad was the failure?"
Approach vs Avoidance Goals - Review goal-self fit at regular intervals
As you grow, some formerly self-concordant goals become misaligned — review them deliberately.
Self-Concordant Goals, Made Practical - Review and update anti-goals annually as values evolve
Anti-goals based on your 28-year-old priorities may be wrong for your 38-year-old ones — review them explicitly.
Anti-Goals: Defining Success by What You Refuse to Accept - Excavate core values before writing goals
Identify what you most fundamentally care about before deciding what you want — or goals will be other people’s.
The Life Crafting Intervention: Scripting Your Future Self - Habit 2: Begin with the end in mind
Define what success looks like before you act, guided by a personal mission.
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Made Practical - Replace specific goals with a guiding direction
A compass bearing keeps you moving without closing off the exact route or destination.
Goal-Free Living: When Process Beats Destination
Related concerns
- When The Life Crafting Intervention Core Values Excavation
Identify what you most fundamentally care about before deciding what you want — or goals will be other people’s.
Excavate core values before writing goals
- Difference Between Values And Goals
Distinguish directions you live (values) from destinations you reach (goals).
Separate values from goals
- Compass Goals
Keep the goal yours even when a coach, boss, or partner is involved in it.
Protect your sense of autonomy while pursuing the goal
- Goal Free Living When Process Beats Destination After A Setback
Stephen Shapiro’s goal-free living argues that rigid outcome goals can narrow focus, close off opportunities, and tie well-being to future events in ways that reduce present engagement and spontaneous discovery. The framework is not anti-ambition but pro-process: replace fixed destination goals with direction-setting and curiosity-driven action. This is a practitioner framework rather than an empirically studied programme, though it draws on related evidence from intrinsic motivation and goal-conflict research.
- Identity Goals Vs Real Goals
Distinguish directions you live (values) from destinations you reach (goals).
- Self Concordant Goals After A Setback
When you fail or stall, return to the hoped-for self — not to the outcome goal — as your re-orienting anchor.
Invoke the possible self during setbacks
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