Coaching practices for Every Time I Set Goals They End Up Being What I Think I'm Supposed to Want My Parents' Version the World's Version and I've Never Actually Stopped to Figure Out What I'd Care About If I Stripped All the Shoulds Away
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Every Time I Set Goals They End Up Being What I Think I'm Supposed to Want My Parents' Version the World's Version and I've Never Actually Stopped to Figure Out What I'd Care About If I Stripped All the Shoulds Away, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- Every time I set goals they end up being what I think I’m supposed to want
- I keep abandoning goals the second they get hard, and I’m starting to suspect it’s because they were never really mine
- There’s a goal I keep flogging myself to pursue and it just won’t stick
- I’ve got this whole list of goals and I honestly can’t tell anymore which ones are mine versus which I took on to look right or quiet the guilt
- I’m years into chasing something I committed to as a different version of myself, and it doesn’t fit who I am now
Practices that may help
- Excavate core values before writing goals
Identify what you most fundamentally care about before deciding what you want — or goals will be other people’s.
The Life Crafting Intervention: Scripting Your Future Self - Relevant — anchor it to what you actually want
Confirm the goal serves a value or larger aim you genuinely hold.
SMART Goals That Actually Move - Using your ranked values as a coaching north star
Return to your ranked values list every time a goal, project, or decision feels off-track.
Values Card Sort - Audit why you are pursuing each goal
Check whether each goal is driven by interest and values or by guilt and external pressure.
Self-Concordant Goals, Made Practical - Review goal-self fit at regular intervals
As you grow, some formerly self-concordant goals become misaligned — review them deliberately.
Self-Concordant Goals, Made Practical - Values clarification
Name the directions you want your life to move in, distinct from goals you can check off.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Made Practical - Review and update anti-goals annually as values evolve
Anti-goals based on your 28-year-old priorities may be wrong for your 38-year-old ones — review them explicitly.
Anti-Goals: Defining Success by What You Refuse to Accept - Use curiosity rather than obligation as the primary action driver
Pursuing what is genuinely interesting, rather than what the goal demands, produces better work and more sustainable energy.
Goal-Free Living: When Process Beats Destination - Name a specific, feasible wish
Start WOOP with a wish that is genuinely meaningful to you and realistically achievable — not too easy, not out of reach.
Mental Contrasting and WOOP - Replace specific goals with a guiding direction
A compass bearing keeps you moving without closing off the exact route or destination.
Goal-Free Living: When Process Beats Destination
Related concerns
- How Do I Know What I Want In Life After Failing In Every Goal That I Set
When you fail or stall, return to the hoped-for self — not to the outcome goal — as your re-orienting anchor.
Invoke the possible self during setbacks
- Compass Goals
Keep the goal yours even when a coach, boss, or partner is involved in it.
Protect your sense of autonomy while pursuing the goal
- Difference Between Values And Goals
Distinguish directions you live (values) from destinations you reach (goals).
Separate values from goals
- Goal And Personal Values
Make the goal an expression of a specific value so it stays motivating when difficulty peaks.
Anchor each goal to a named, personal value
- How To Find Goals You Care About
Identify what you most fundamentally care about before deciding what you want — or goals will be other people’s.
Excavate core values before writing goals
- Identity Goals Vs Real Goals
Distinguish directions you live (values) from destinations you reach (goals).
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