Coaching practices for How to Deal with Low Self Esteem

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• So much of my energy goes into managing how good I look
• I shrink my life down to avoid any chance of looking foolish
• Every time I try to tell myself I’m not the worthless, incompetent person I think I am, the whole thing snaps right back
• I’ve got a big evaluation looming and I can already feel myself bracing to defend my whole worth on it
• I just bombed at something and I’m stuck swinging between making excuses for it and beating myself up over it

Practices that may help

1. Shift the goal from high self-esteem to authentic self-regard
   Stop trying to feel good about yourself and start aiming for honest, compassionate self-knowledge.
   Self-Worth vs. Self-Esteem
2. Shame-attacking exercises
   Do something mildly embarrassing on purpose to prove you can survive and function through discomfort.
   Unconditional Self-Acceptance
3. Update the self-concept incrementally
   Revise one specific self-belief at a time — not the whole identity at once.
   Self-Verification Theory, Made Practical
4. Write about a value that matters to you
   Before a stressful or threatening situation, spend five minutes writing about a value that is genuinely important to you.
   Self-Affirmation Theory, Made Practical
5. Affirm a different value after a failure
   When you fail in one area, actively invest in a domain where you know you contribute.
   Self-Affirmation Theory, Made Practical
6. Reduce social comparison as a source of self-definition
   Stop using other people’s qualities as the primary benchmark for your own — it imports their standards into your self-concept.
   Self-Concept Clarity, Made Practical
7. Shifting body image from appearance to function
   Valuing what your body can do, not just how it looks, improves how you feel about it.
   Strength Training for Confidence
8. Separate the act from the self
   Rate your behaviors and outcomes — never your whole self — so one failure cannot indict your entire worth.
   Unconditional Self-Acceptance
9. The practice of living consciously
   Bring awareness to what you are doing and seeing, rather than acting on autopilot or avoidance.
   The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical
10. Use affirmation of values, not affirmation of ability
    Affirm that you are a good person with important values — not that you are good at the specific thing you are anxious about.
    Self-Affirmation Theory, Made Practical

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