Coaching practices for How to Get Through a Divorce When You Still Love Him

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For How to Get Through a Divorce When You Still Love Him, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• People keep telling me I need to let them go and move on, and everything in me refuses
• After the baby, the move, the hard year, we just quietly stopped reaching for each other
• There’s one moment when I needed them and they weren’t there, and even though it was a while ago it still sits between us
• There’s this one fight we have over and over that never resolves no matter how many times we hash it out, and I’m exhausted trying to win it or fix it for good
• I still feel deeply tied to them, but I honestly can’t tell anymore whether that closeness is what’s keeping me steady or what’s keeping me from actually living

Practices that may help

1. Task 4: Find an enduring connection with the deceased
   Relocate the relationship from physical presence to an internal, meaningful connection.
   Worden’s Tasks of Mourning, Made Practical
2. Rekindling after a drift: returning to aliveness
   Recognize a drift in erotic connection as normal — and name it as the beginning of a renewal, not a failure.
   Mating in Captivity: Sustaining Desire in Long-Term Relationships
3. Revisit a hurtful moment -- and repair it
   Going back to a painful past moment together, with new understanding, is how attachment injuries heal.
   Hold Me Tight: Sue Johnson's Seven Conversations for Lasting Love
4. Dialogue with perpetual problems
   Accept that most conflicts are unsolvable, and learn to discuss them without gridlock.
   The Gottman Method, Made Practical
5. Distinguish adaptive from complicated continuing bonds
   Notice whether your bond with the person supports life re-engagement or prevents it.
   Continuing Bonds in Grief, Made Practical
6. Use symbolic objects as tangible continuing bonds
   Keep meaningful objects that represent the person and use them consciously, not compulsively.
   Continuing Bonds in Grief, Made Practical
7. Actively maintain memory of your relationship’s positive history
   PSO is partly built on a rich, accessible memory of good times — keep it alive.
   Positive Sentiment Override: How to Build the Lens That Protects Relationships
8. Protect fondness actively during and after conflict
   Conflict is the test of PSO — deliberately hold the positive frame while the negative one is loudest.
   Positive Sentiment Override: How to Build the Lens That Protects Relationships
9. Creating space: the paradox of distance and desire
   Build deliberate separateness — apart time, separate interests, separate friendships — as the condition desire needs to regenerate.
   Mating in Captivity: Sustaining Desire in Long-Term Relationships
10. H — Hold on when the hurt comes back
    When resentment returns, don’t take it as proof you failed — recall your commitment and re-choose.
    Forgiveness: The REACH Model

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