Coaching practices for How to Get Through Cheating in a Relationship

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For How to Get Through Cheating in a Relationship, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• When we fight it’s the same ugly choreography every time
• My partner sided with their family over me again, or didn’t back me up in front of others, and I’m left unsure whether they’ll actually put us first when it counts
• In the heat of a fight we cross lines we’d never cross when calm
• There’s this same brutal standoff my partner and I hit again and again, and I always escape it the same way
• I hear the sarcasm and the eye-roll come out of me and underneath it I genuinely feel like I’m the one carrying everything

Practices that may help

1. Catch the four horsemen
   Spot and replace criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling during conflict.
   The Gottman Method, Made Practical
2. Create and protect the couple bubble
   Agree that you each put the relationship above any third party, including family of origin.
   Secure-Functioning Relationships
3. Agree on relationship principles before you need them
   Set explicit rules for how you will treat each other, especially under pressure.
   Secure-Functioning Relationships
4. Using relationship crucibles as growth opportunities
   Treat the moments your relationship is most difficult as the exact situations where growth becomes possible.
   Differentiation of Self: David Schnarch’s Framework for Passionate Marriage
5. Interrupt contempt -- the relationship's single most corrosive pattern
   Contempt -- moral superiority, mockery, eye-rolling -- is the strongest predictor of relationship breakdown.
   The Four Horsemen: Gottman's Warning Signs of Relationship Breakdown
6. Use a pre-agreed pause protocol
   Pre-negotiate how you will interrupt the cycle before it starts, not during it.
   The Pursuer-Withdrawer Cycle, Explained
7. Recognize and replace the Four Horsemen
   Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling each have a specific antidote.
   The 5-to-1 Positivity Ratio in Relationships
8. Holding onto yourself under relational pressure
   Maintain your own identity, positions, and values when a partner’s unhappiness is generating pressure to capitulate.
   Differentiation of Self: David Schnarch’s Framework for Passionate Marriage
9. Withdrawer: signal presence before retreating
   Before you need to step back, tell your partner you are coming back.
   The Pursuer-Withdrawer Cycle, Explained
10. Replace defensiveness with partial responsibility
    Defensiveness is a claim of innocence; taking even partial responsibility is the only way forward.
    The Four Horsemen: Gottman's Warning Signs of Relationship Breakdown

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