Coaching practices for How to Move on From Toxic Ex
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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- People keep telling me I need to let them go and move on, and everything in me refuses
- I keep telling myself to just move past what they did and not make a big deal of it, so I never actually look the hurt in the face
- After we fight we just let it sit for days with neither of us reaching out, and the hurt quietly piles up until I start reading even neutral things they do as another little jab
- In my head the person who hurt me is just a villain, flat and monstrous, and that picture keeps my anger burning
- I won’t forgive this person because forgiving feels like it means letting them back into my life, and they’re not safe
Practices that may help
- Task 4: Find an enduring connection with the deceased
Relocate the relationship from physical presence to an internal, meaningful connection.
Worden’s Tasks of Mourning, Made Practical - R — Recall the hurt
Face what happened deliberately and calmly, without minimizing it or replaying it as a victim.
Forgiveness: The REACH Model - Repair quickly and thoroughly
Don’t let injuries accumulate — repair within hours or days, not weeks.
Secure-Functioning Relationships - E — Empathize with the offender
Try to understand the pressures, fears, or story behind what they did — without excusing it.
Forgiveness: The REACH Model - Separate forgiving from reconciling
Forgiveness is internal and unilateral; reconciliation requires the other person to become trustworthy again.
Forgiveness: The REACH Model - Revisit a hurtful moment -- and repair it
Going back to a painful past moment together, with new understanding, is how attachment injuries heal.
Hold Me Tight: Sue Johnson's Seven Conversations for Lasting Love - Recognize and replace the Four Horsemen
Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling each have a specific antidote.
The 5-to-1 Positivity Ratio in Relationships - H — Hold on when the hurt comes back
When resentment returns, don’t take it as proof you failed — recall your commitment and re-choose.
Forgiveness: The REACH Model - Repair an attachment injury
Specific relationship betrayals -- moments when you were not there -- need a specific repair, not just time.
Emotionally Focused Therapy: Sue Johnson's Framework for Lasting Bond Repair - Treating grief as a form of gratitude
When something ends and you feel grief, recognise that the grief is proportional to the love — and let it be both.
Mono no Aware: The Pathos of Things
Related concerns
- How To Move On From Betrayal In A Relationship
Face what happened deliberately and calmly, without minimizing it or replaying it as a victim.
R — Recall the hurt
- How To Move On From Cheating In A Relationship
Face what happened deliberately and calmly, without minimizing it or replaying it as a victim.
- How To Move On From Emotional Cheating
Face what happened deliberately and calmly, without minimizing it or replaying it as a victim.
- How Do I Get Closure From Someone Who Treated Me Bad And Doesn T Want To Talk
Write a letter — never to be sent — to someone with whom you have unresolved feelings, saying everything you actually feel.
Write an unsent letter to process relational difficulty
- How To Get Over Anger And Resentment In A Relationship
Daily authentic appreciation is the structural counter to contempt -- and it has to precede the conflict.
Build a culture of genuine appreciation as a horsemen antidote
- How To Get Over Cheating In A Relationship
Face what happened deliberately and calmly, without minimizing it or replaying it as a victim.
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