Coaching practices for How to Resolve Conflict

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For How to Resolve Conflict, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • We solve the immediate thing but the same ugly dynamic underneath stays exactly the same, so the next disagreement plays out identically
  • Somewhere in this I stopped seeing a problem we both have and started seeing the other person AS the problem
  • We both keep digging into our positions and neither of us is really hearing why the other one cares
  • Something’s genuinely wrong here and there’s no time to coax everyone to a comfortable yes
  • There’s a problem I keep not bringing up

Practices that may help

  1. Transform the relationship, not just the issue
    Use each conflict as an opportunity to raise the quality of the relationship itself.
    The Third Alternative, Made Practical
  2. Separate the person from the problem
    Treat the conflict as a problem you face together, not a contest you fight each other.
    The Third Alternative, Made Practical
  3. Collaborating (assertive and cooperative)
    Work the underlying interests until you find a solution that genuinely meets both sides’ needs.
    The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles
  4. Competing (assertive, uncooperative)
    Pursue your own position firmly when speed, principle, or stakes outweigh the relationship cost.
    The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles
  5. Avoiding (unassertive, uncooperative)
    Sidestep or postpone the conflict when timing is bad or the issue isn’t worth engaging.
    The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles
  6. Adapt your conflict approach to the other person’s DISC style
    Conflict lands differently for each style — match your approach to reduce defensiveness.
    DISC Behavioral Styles
  7. Responding to conflict without escalation
    In a conflict, address the problem without attacking the person.
    Ahimsa: Non-Violence as a Daily Practice
  8. Find mutual purpose
    Establish a shared goal both people care about so the conversation is "us vs the problem".
    Crucial Conversations, Made Practical
  9. Dialogue with perpetual problems
    Accept that most conflicts are unsolvable, and learn to discuss them without gridlock.
    The Gottman Method, Made Practical
  10. Accommodating (cooperative, unassertive)
    Yield to the other’s needs when the issue matters far more to them than to you.
    The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles

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