Coaching practices for Make Time During Conflict
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Make Time During Conflict, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- Something’s genuinely wrong here and there’s no time to coax everyone to a comfortable yes
- In the heat of it I can never find the words to cool things down
- We solve the immediate thing but the same ugly dynamic underneath stays exactly the same, so the next disagreement plays out identically
- There’s a problem I keep not bringing up
- I came in hard because the situation called for it, but partway through the urgent part got settled and the other person clearly just needed to feel heard
Practices that may help
- Competing (assertive, uncooperative)
Pursue your own position firmly when speed, principle, or stakes outweigh the relationship cost.
The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles - Build a shared repair vocabulary
Agree on repair phrases in advance so both partners recognize them when they land mid-conflict.
Repair Attempts: Gottman's Key to Surviving Conflict in Relationships - Transform the relationship, not just the issue
Use each conflict as an opportunity to raise the quality of the relationship itself.
The Third Alternative, Made Practical - Avoiding (unassertive, uncooperative)
Sidestep or postpone the conflict when timing is bad or the issue isn’t worth engaging.
The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles - Recognize when to shift modes mid-conflict
The mode that’s right at the start of a conversation may not be right ten minutes in.
The Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) - Turn toward during conflict, not just during calm
Bids happen in the middle of arguments — recognizing them mid-fight changes everything.
Turning Toward: The Daily Practice That Builds Relationship Resilience - Identify your default conflict mode
Before you can choose a mode, you have to know which one you use automatically.
The Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) - Easy Manner: bring a light touch when appropriate
Use humor, lightness, and warmth to remind both of you that the relationship is bigger than this conflict.
GIVE: DBT’s Skill for Preserving Relationships During Difficult Conversations - Use Avoiding strategically, not reflexively
Avoiding has a real place — but only when the issue is trivial, the timing is wrong, or cooling down is necessary.
The Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) - Make small repairs during conflict -- not only big apologies after
A touch, a softer tone, a brief I love you mid-argument is repair -- use it.
Repair Attempts: Gottman's Key to Surviving Conflict in Relationships
Related concerns
- Adaptive Conflict Management
The real skill isn’t a favorite style — it’s matching the style to the situation instead of defaulting.
Choose your style deliberately
- Attention Management During Conflict
Exit the provocation situation temporarily with a plan to re-engage — not as avoidance, but as arousal regulation.
Take a structured time-out
- Energy Management Not Time Management During Conflict
Tony Schwartz and Jim Loehr’s framework argues that performance depends not on managing minutes but on managing physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual energy — and that oscillating between stress and recovery at each dimension is what sustains high performance, not grinding longer. The framework is practitioner-developed and widely used in corporate coaching; specific practices (sleep, recovery rituals, purpose alignment) have independent research support at varying evidence levels.
- The Now Habit During Conflict
Before you can choose a mode, you have to know which one you use automatically.
Identify your default conflict mode
- Action Planning During Conflict
Anticipate the specific obstacles most likely to block your plan and pre-decide your response to each.
Plan for obstacles with coping plans
- Active Constructive Responding During Conflict
Shelly Gable’s research found that how partners respond to each other’s good news — not just how they handle bad news — predicts relationship quality. There are four response styles crossed on two axes (active vs passive, constructive vs destructive); only active-constructive responding, which is enthusiastic and engaged, reliably strengthens the bond. This "capitalization" work has a solid research base in relationship science.
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