Coaching practices for One Instruction at a Time Parenting

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For One Instruction at a Time Parenting, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • I end up saying the same thing five times, louder each time, until I’m basically yelling before anything happens
  • Even when I sit down to play with my kid I catch myself steering it
  • My kid only seems to come at me when they want something or when they’re acting out, and I realize the only time I really pay full attention is when I’m correcting them
  • There are a few situations that go badly every single time
  • All day my kid keeps coming to show me things and I keep saying "in a minute" because I’m busy, and then the moment I need them to cooperate they dig in

Practices that may help

  1. Give clear, calm, single instructions
    One specific direction at a time, calmly stated once, is more effective than repeated commands.
    Triple P Parenting (Matthew Sanders)
  2. Follow the child’s lead completely during special time
    Let the child decide what you do, how long you stay, and when you move on.
    Special Time (Lawrence Cohen — Playful Parenting)
  3. Spend quality one-on-one time with your child
    Fifteen minutes of child-led, uninterrupted attention per day builds the relationship that discipline depends on.
    Triple P Parenting (Matthew Sanders)
  4. Plan behavior management strategies in advance
    Decide how you will respond to predictable problems before they happen.
    Triple P Parenting (Matthew Sanders)
  5. Say yes to bids for connection before enforcing limits
    A child’s capacity to accept limits depends on how connected they feel to the person setting them.
    Authoritative Parenting (Diana Baumrind)
  6. Provide warmth and structure simultaneously
    Children need to know they are loved and to know what is expected — these work together, not against each other.
    Authoritative Parenting (Diana Baumrind)
  7. Explain the reason behind rules
    Children who understand why a rule exists are more likely to internalize it — and more likely to generalize it to new situations.
    Authoritative Parenting (Diana Baumrind)
  8. Take time for training — teach the skill, not just the rule
    Children misbehave partly because they don’t know how to do the right thing — teach the skill when everyone is calm.
    Positive Discipline (Jane Nelsen)
  9. Connect emotionally before you redirect or teach
    The downstairs brain has to be acknowledged before the upstairs brain can hear anything.
    The Whole-Brain Child (Siegel & Bryson)
  10. Use descriptive praise instead of generic approval
    Tell the child exactly what they did right so they know what to repeat.
    Triple P Parenting (Matthew Sanders)

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