Coaching practices for Relationship Based Discipline

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Relationship Based Discipline, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• The second I start correcting my kid they go straight into defense mode
• My kid only seems to come at me when they want something or when they’re acting out, and I realize the only time I really pay full attention is when I’m correcting them
• I lay down a rule and my kids ignore it because it’s "my" rule they had no say in
• I swing between caving the moment they push back and snapping when I’ve had enough
• All day my kid keeps coming to show me things and I keep saying "in a minute" because I’m busy, and then the moment I need them to cooperate they dig in

Practices that may help

1. Connect before you correct
   A child who feels connected to you is far more receptive to your guidance than one who feels attacked.
   Positive Discipline (Jane Nelsen)
2. Spend quality one-on-one time with your child
   Fifteen minutes of child-led, uninterrupted attention per day builds the relationship that discipline depends on.
   Triple P Parenting (Matthew Sanders)
3. Use family meetings to solve problems together
   When children help solve the problem, they own the solution — and solutions they own, they actually follow.
   Positive Discipline (Jane Nelsen)
4. Be kind AND firm — simultaneously, not alternately
   Kind without firm is permissive; firm without kind is authoritarian. The practice is holding both at once.
   Positive Discipline (Jane Nelsen)
5. Say yes to bids for connection before enforcing limits
   A child’s capacity to accept limits depends on how connected they feel to the person setting them.
   Authoritative Parenting (Diana Baumrind)
6. Positive Discipline (Jane Nelsen)
   Positive Discipline, developed by Jane Nelsen and based on Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs’s work, is a parenting and classroom approach that is simultaneously kind and firm — neither permissive nor punitive. Its central premise is that children do better when they feel a sense of belonging and significance, and that most misbehavior is an ineffective attempt to achieve one of these. The approach has strong clinical adoption and is consistent with authoritative parenting research, though controlled trials on the specific Positive Discipline curriculum are limited.
7. Build a culture of discipline, not a disciplinarian culture
   Hire self-disciplined people, then give them freedom within a clear framework.
   Level 5 Leadership: Humility and Will in Great Leaders
8. Agree on relationship principles before you need them
   Set explicit rules for how you will treat each other, especially under pressure.
   Secure-Functioning Relationships
9. Pro-relationship maintenance behaviors
   Actively do things that maintain and strengthen the relationship, rather than expecting it to run itself.
   The Investment Model of Commitment: Why People Stay (and Why They Leave)
10. Provide warmth and structure simultaneously
    Children need to know they are loved and to know what is expected — these work together, not against each other.
    Authoritative Parenting (Diana Baumrind)

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