Coaching practices for Seligman S Perma Model with My Partner
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Seligman S Perma Model with My Partner, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- I love my partner, but I catch myself reacting to them as if they’ll never change
- I want my partner to actually see the person I’m trying to grow into, but I’ve never put it into words even for myself
- Part of me keeps hoping the right partner will just fix all this for me, and I’m realizing that’s not how it works
- I shape-shift to whoever I’m with
- Something about my life feels off and I genuinely can’t name what
Practices that may help
- Seligman’s PERMA Model, Made Practical
Martin Seligman’s PERMA model identifies five pillars of well-being: Positive Emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment. Unlike happiness models that treat well-being as a single variable, PERMA argues these five elements are each intrinsically valued and each independently improvable. Several PERMA-targeted interventions have randomized-trial support; others are mechanistically grounded with less direct evidence. - Behavioral confirmation audit: how are you treating your partner?
Regularly examine whether your daily behavior toward your partner confirms their ideal self or their non-ideal self.
The Michelangelo Phenomenon: How Partners Sculpt Each Other - Mapping your ideal self explicitly
Articulate specifically who your ideal self is — the person you are working toward — so your partner can sculpt toward it rather than guessing.
The Michelangelo Phenomenon: How Partners Sculpt Each Other - Positive Psychology, Made Practical
Martin Seligman’s positive psychology studies what makes life worth living, organized around the PERMA model — Positive emotion, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment. Several of its signature interventions, including three good things, the gratitude visit, and using signature strengths, have genuine randomized-trial support for raising well-being and lowering depressive symptoms. - The Michelangelo Phenomenon: How Partners Sculpt Each Other
The Michelangelo phenomenon, identified by Caryl Rusbult and colleagues, is the process by which close partners "sculpt" each other toward their ideal selves — or away from them. When a partner behaves toward you as if you are the person you aspire to be, you tend to become more like that person. Conversely, partners who treat you as your non-ideal self can erode progress toward who you want to become. The effect is observationally supported and has practical implications for how to treat your partner — and how to ask to be treated. - Choose and co-create secure relationships
Move toward partners and dynamics that reward openness, and build security together.
Attachment Theory, Made Usable - Developing a solid but flexible self
Know clearly what you value, believe, and will not compromise — while remaining genuinely open to being changed by your partner.
Differentiation of Self: David Schnarch’s Framework for Passionate Marriage - Run a PERMA audit of your current well-being
Rate each of the five PERMA pillars to find which is currently limiting your overall flourishing.
Seligman’s PERMA Model, Made Practical - Tracking movement toward ideal self
Measure your progress toward your ideal self over time — not just relationship satisfaction.
The Michelangelo Phenomenon: How Partners Sculpt Each Other - Audit your life against PERMA
Check well-being across all five pillars — emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning, accomplishment.
Positive Psychology, Made Practical
Related concerns
- How Partners Shape Each Other
The Michelangelo phenomenon, identified by Caryl Rusbult and colleagues, is the process by which close partners "sculpt" each other toward their ideal selves — or away from them. When a partner behaves toward you as if you are the person you aspire to be, you tend to become more like that person. Conversely, partners who treat you as your non-ideal self can erode progress toward who you want to become. The effect is observationally supported and has practical implications for how to treat your partner — and how to ask to be treated.
- Partner Sculpting
Articulate specifically who your ideal self is — the person you are working toward — so your partner can sculpt toward it rather than guessing.
Mapping your ideal self explicitly
- Five Elements Of Well Being
Martin Seligman’s PERMA model identifies five pillars of well-being: Positive Emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment. Unlike happiness models that treat well-being as a single variable, PERMA argues these five elements are each intrinsically valued and each independently improvable. Several PERMA-targeted interventions have randomized-trial support; others are mechanistically grounded with less direct evidence.
- Five Pillars Of Wellbeing
Check well-being across all five pillars — emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning, accomplishment.
Audit your life against PERMA
- How To Improve Well Being
Awe — the emotion triggered by encountering something vast that challenges your current mental frameworks — reliably reduces self-focused thinking, lowers inflammatory markers in some studies, increases prosocial behavior, and expands the perceived sense of time available. Dacher Keltner’s research shows awe is more accessible than people think and can be deliberately cultivated without waiting for once-in-a-decade peak experiences.
- Ideal Self In Relationships
Articulate specifically who your ideal self is — the person you are working toward — so your partner can sculpt toward it rather than guessing.
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