Coaching practices for Situation Selection with My Partner
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Situation Selection with My Partner, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- Some people leave me lit up and others leave me flat and small, but I keep giving the most of my time to the draining ones out of habit or obligation
- I know exactly what fills me back up
- There are a few things that matter enormously to me
- There’s a hard conversation or event I can’t get out of, and I just brace to white-knuckle through it
- We default to whatever each of us wants in the moment, and I rarely choose their preference over mine on purpose
Practices that may help
- Situation Selection, Made Practical
Situation selection is James Gross’s most upstream emotion regulation strategy: deliberately choosing which situations to enter or avoid based on the emotional consequences they are likely to produce. Because it prevents unwanted emotions from arising rather than managing them after the fact, it is the most efficient regulatory strategy — and the most underused. - Curate your social situation portfolio
Who you spend time with, and in what contexts, is perhaps the highest-leverage situation selection available to most people.
Situation Selection, Made Practical - Design your situation for positive emotion, not just negative avoidance
Situation selection is not only about avoiding what is harmful — it includes actively scheduling what is emotionally nourishing.
Situation Selection, Made Practical - Develop regulation strategies for high-value, difficult situations
For the situations you must enter despite their emotional cost, invest in regulation capacity rather than avoidance.
Situation Selection, Made Practical - Modify situations before entering them
When you must enter a difficult situation, shape it in advance to reduce its emotional cost.
Situation Selection, Made Practical - Willingness to sacrifice: building relationship-oriented decision-making
Practice making at least one weekly decision that prioritizes the relationship over personal short-term convenience.
The Investment Model of Commitment: Why People Stay (and Why They Leave) - Create and protect the couple bubble
Agree that you each put the relationship above any third party, including family of origin.
Secure-Functioning Relationships - Fight the problem, not each other
Reorient conflict so both partners face the problem together rather than facing each other.
Secure-Functioning Relationships - Make bids for shared enjoyment, not just support
Invite your partner to enjoy something together — playfulness and delight are also bids.
Turning Toward: The Daily Practice That Builds Relationship Resilience - Mapping shared and divergent values in a relationship
Do the card sort alongside someone important to you and compare — do not assume your rankings match.
Values Card Sort
Related concerns
- Broaden And Build Situation Selection
Situation selection is not only about avoiding what is harmful — it includes actively scheduling what is emotionally nourishing.
Design your situation for positive emotion, not just negative avoidance
- Situation Selection After A Loss
Situation selection is James Gross’s most upstream emotion regulation strategy: deliberately choosing which situations to enter or avoid based on the emotional consequences they are likely to produce. Because it prevents unwanted emotions from arising rather than managing them after the fact, it is the most efficient regulatory strategy — and the most underused.
- Situation Selection As A Caregiver
Situation selection is James Gross’s most upstream emotion regulation strategy: deliberately choosing which situations to enter or avoid based on the emotional consequences they are likely to produce. Because it prevents unwanted emotions from arising rather than managing them after the fact, it is the most efficient regulatory strategy — and the most underused.
- Situation Selection As A Parent
Situation selection is James Gross’s most upstream emotion regulation strategy: deliberately choosing which situations to enter or avoid based on the emotional consequences they are likely to produce. Because it prevents unwanted emotions from arising rather than managing them after the fact, it is the most efficient regulatory strategy — and the most underused.
- Situation Selection At Work
Situation selection is James Gross’s most upstream emotion regulation strategy: deliberately choosing which situations to enter or avoid based on the emotional consequences they are likely to produce. Because it prevents unwanted emotions from arising rather than managing them after the fact, it is the most efficient regulatory strategy — and the most underused.
- Situation Selection During A Big Change
When you must enter a difficult situation, shape it in advance to reduce its emotional cost.
Modify situations before entering them
Describe your situation in your own words to search the complete practice library.