Coaching practices for The Energy Audit During Conflict
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For The Energy Audit During Conflict, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- I have this vague sense I’m running low but I couldn’t tell you on what
- There’s a low-grade resentment and worry I carry around all day, and by evening I’m wiped out even though I didn’t physically do much
- I came in hard because the situation called for it, but partway through the urgent part got settled and the other person clearly just needed to feel heard
- The second things get tense I snap into the same move every time without choosing it
- We had a bad fight and now I’m just waiting for things to feel normal again on their own
Practices that may help
- The Energy Audit
Loehr and Schwartz argue that high performance is fundamentally an energy management problem, not a time management problem: you have four energy reservoirs — physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual — and sustained performance requires both spending and renewing each. The framework is a compelling clinical synthesis; direct RCT evidence for the four-quadrant model itself is limited. - Audit your current resource base
Take stock of where you stand in each resource category — objects, conditions, characteristics, and energies — before the next stressor arrives.
Conservation of Resources Theory, Made Practical - Identify and shift emotional energy drains
Chronic negative emotions are not just unpleasant — they are metabolic and cognitive loads that drain performance capacity.
The Energy Audit - Recognize when to shift modes mid-conflict
The mode that’s right at the start of a conversation may not be right ten minutes in.
The Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) - Identify your default conflict mode
Before you can choose a mode, you have to know which one you use automatically.
The Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) - Actively restore the ratio after a major rupture
After a bad fight, the ratio is temporarily negative -- restoration requires intentional positive investment.
The Magic Relationship Ratio: Gottman's 5-to-1 Principle - Use Avoiding strategically, not reflexively
Avoiding has a real place — but only when the issue is trivial, the timing is wrong, or cooling down is necessary.
The Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) - Maintain positive tone even during disagreement
The ratio matters most when you are fighting -- keep warmth and acknowledgment present inside conflict.
The Magic Relationship Ratio: Gottman's 5-to-1 Principle - Build a shared repair vocabulary
Agree on repair phrases in advance so both partners recognize them when they land mid-conflict.
Repair Attempts: Gottman's Key to Surviving Conflict in Relationships - Use fierce self-compassion to stay in hard conversations
Stay present in conflict by meeting your own distress with compassion, so you don't flee or attack.
Fierce Self-Compassion, Made Practical
Related concerns
- Noting Practice During Conflict
The mode that’s right at the start of a conversation may not be right ten minutes in.
Recognize when to shift modes mid-conflict
- Attention Management During Conflict
Exit the provocation situation temporarily with a plan to re-engage — not as avoidance, but as arousal regulation.
Take a structured time-out
- Flow Triggers During Conflict
Steven Kotler popularized the idea of "flow triggers" — conditions that reliably bias the brain toward flow, the absorbed state of effortless concentration first studied by Csikszentmihalyi. The core conditions (clear goals, immediate feedback, a challenge-skill balance) are well supported; the longer trigger lists and neurochemical claims are more speculative and should be read with care.
- Fondness During Conflict
Conflict is the test of PSO — deliberately hold the positive frame while the negative one is loudest.
Protect fondness actively during and after conflict
- Make Time During Conflict
Pursue your own position firmly when speed, principle, or stakes outweigh the relationship cost.
Competing (assertive, uncooperative)
- Neat Thermogenesis During Conflict
Non-exercise activity thermogenesis (NEAT) is the energy burned through all movement that is not formal exercise — fidgeting, walking, standing, household tasks. In most people it is more variable and individually influential than exercise: sedentary individuals can differ from active ones by 2,000+ kcal/day in NEAT alone. The research on NEAT is observational and mechanistic; direct NEAT-enhancement trials are limited.
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