Coaching practices for The Relationship Check in a Structured Practice for Staying Connected After a Loss

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For The Relationship Check in a Structured Practice for Staying Connected After a Loss, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • Our serious talks keep ending on the sour, unresolved note, so we both walk away from them feeling worse
  • We keep meaning to have one big sit-down to sort everything out, so it never happens
  • I still feel deeply tied to them, but I honestly can’t tell anymore whether that closeness is what’s keeping me steady or what’s keeping me from actually living
  • Their birthday and the anniversary loom and I never know what to do with those days
  • My partner and I both have some quiet inner read on how close we actually feel lately, but neither of us ever says the number out loud

Practices that may help

  1. The Relationship Check-In: A Structured Practice for Staying Connected
    A relationship check-in is a structured, scheduled conversation — usually weekly — where partners deliberately assess how they are doing as a couple: what’s working, what’s building up, and what each person needs. The practice is widely used in couples therapy and coaching, with a strong mechanistic rationale; direct RCT evidence for the structured check-in format specifically is limited.
  2. End every check-in with a connecting moment
    Close the conversation with something that anchors you in the relationship, not the problems.
    The Relationship Check-In: A Structured Practice for Staying Connected
  3. Keep check-ins short — consistency beats comprehensiveness
    A 20-minute check-in every week beats a 3-hour one every quarter.
    The Relationship Check-In: A Structured Practice for Staying Connected
  4. Distinguish adaptive from complicated continuing bonds
    Notice whether your bond with the person supports life re-engagement or prevents it.
    Continuing Bonds in Grief, Made Practical
  5. Create meaningful grief rituals
    Establish regular practices that honour the person and mark the ongoing relationship.
    Continuing Bonds in Grief, Made Practical
  6. Ask "How are we doing?" as a genuine question
    Invite both partners to rate and describe the overall relationship state this week.
    The Relationship Check-In: A Structured Practice for Staying Connected
  7. Open with appreciation before anything else
    Start by naming one genuine thing your partner did this week that you valued.
    The Relationship Check-In: A Structured Practice for Staying Connected
  8. Continuing Bonds in Grief, Made Practical
    Continuing bonds theory, developed by Dennis Klass and colleagues, holds that maintaining an ongoing inner relationship with the deceased — through memory, ritual, and internalised connection — is a normal and often adaptive part of grief, not a sign of pathology. Observational research supports this for many types of connection, though some forms (active searching, idealisation) are associated with poorer outcomes.
  9. Recognize and reinvest in deepened relationships
    Notice which relationships grew closer through the hardship, and deliberately invest back in them.
    Benefit-Finding: Locating Meaning and Growth in Adversity
  10. Follow up on what your partner mentioned earlier
    Return to things your partner shared — it shows you retained and cared.
    Turning Toward: The Daily Practice That Builds Relationship Resilience

Related concerns

Describe your situation in your own words to search the complete practice library.

Practice this with IX Coach

Try this practice