Continuing Bonds in Grief, Made Practical

Maintaining an ongoing inner relationship with the deceased as a healthy part of grief

What is the continuing bonds theory of grief and does it help?

Continuing bonds theory, developed by Dennis Klass and colleagues, holds that maintaining an ongoing inner relationship with the deceased — through memory, ritual, and internalised connection — is a normal and often adaptive part of grief, not a sign of pathology. Observational research supports this for many types of connection, though some forms (active searching, idealisation) are associated with poorer outcomes.

For decades, grief theory assumed that healthy mourning required "letting go" — breaking the bond with the deceased so that emotional energy could be reinvested in living relationships. Dennis Klass, Phyllis Silverman, and Steven Nickman challenged this through research with bereaved parents and children, finding that many healthy grievers maintained ongoing relationships with the deceased — internal representations that continued to influence, comfort, and guide them. The continuing bonds framework transformed grief counselling by legitimising what many bereaved people were already doing privately.