Coaching practices for The Satir Model at Work

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For The Satir Model at Work, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • I trust my favorite framework so completely that I apply it everywhere without checking, and lately it’s been quietly steering me wrong
  • When I’m upset it all comes out as "you did this, you always do that"
  • Every time a conversation gets tense I snap into the same reaction without choosing it
  • My team keeps landing in the same wrong place no matter how we tweak our actions, and it’s dawning on me that the real problem is some unspoken belief we all just take as how-the-world-works
  • I read all these brilliant thinking tools and nod along, and then the moment I’m actually facing a hard problem not one of them comes to mind

Practices that may help

  1. The Satir Model
    Virginia Satir’s model identifies four defensive communication stances people adopt under stress — Placating, Blaming, Computing, and Distracting — each driven by low self-worth. The fifth stance, Congruent communication, aligns what you feel, what you say, and your regard for yourself and the other person simultaneously. Satir used the model clinically with families and couples; the goal is not to eliminate the stances but to recognize them and choose congruence.
  2. Constantly distinguish the map from the territory
    A model is a simplification — know precisely where yours breaks down.
    Mental Models: Charlie Munger’s Latticework Approach
  3. Correct blaming by adding accountability for self
    When blaming, add an honest account of your own contribution to the problem.
    The Satir Model
  4. Recognize your own defensive stance under stress
    Identify which stance you default to when threatened — placating, blaming, computing, or distracting.
    The Satir Model
  5. Surface and test the mental models driving behavior
    Make the assumptions behind decisions explicit — they are often the root structural cause.
    Systems Thinking
  6. Maintain a personal model catalog with examples
    Keep a written inventory of your models, each illustrated with a real example from your own experience.
    Mental Models: Charlie Munger’s Latticework Approach
  7. Correct computing by adding the emotional layer
    When you’ve gone cold and logical, add the feeling that’s driving the analysis.
    The Satir Model
  8. Practice congruent communication
    Say what you feel, about what you observe, while caring for both yourself and the other person.
    The Satir Model
  9. Correct placating by surfacing your real position
    When you’ve agreed to avoid conflict, go back and name what you actually think.
    The Satir Model
  10. Work on the self-worth beneath the stances
    The defensive stances protect against low self-worth — building the worth reduces the need for protection.
    The Satir Model

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