Coaching practices for The Satir Model for My Teenager
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For The Satir Model for My Teenager, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- Every time a conversation gets tense I snap into the same reaction without choosing it
- When I’m upset it all comes out as "you did this, you always do that"
- I’m starting to sense my defensive habits in conversation all trace back to a quiet belief that the real me wouldn’t be accepted
- I want to be able to say the true thing in a hard conversation without either shrinking myself to keep them comfortable or steamrolling them to protect myself
- I’ve built up this villain version of the other person in my head
Practices that may help
- The Satir Model
Virginia Satir’s model identifies four defensive communication stances people adopt under stress — Placating, Blaming, Computing, and Distracting — each driven by low self-worth. The fifth stance, Congruent communication, aligns what you feel, what you say, and your regard for yourself and the other person simultaneously. Satir used the model clinically with families and couples; the goal is not to eliminate the stances but to recognize them and choose congruence. - Recognize your own defensive stance under stress
Identify which stance you default to when threatened — placating, blaming, computing, or distracting.
The Satir Model - Correct blaming by adding accountability for self
When blaming, add an honest account of your own contribution to the problem.
The Satir Model - Work on the self-worth beneath the stances
The defensive stances protect against low self-worth — building the worth reduces the need for protection.
The Satir Model - Practice congruent communication
Say what you feel, about what you observe, while caring for both yourself and the other person.
The Satir Model - Take their perspective accurately
Build a precise model of how the situation looks from their side, not a caricature.
Tactical Empathy - Constantly distinguish the map from the territory
A model is a simplification — know precisely where yours breaks down.
Mental Models: Charlie Munger’s Latticework Approach - Build a personal MCT case conceptualization
Map your own vicious-cycle: trigger → positive meta-belief activates CAS → negative meta-belief sustains it → distress.
Metacognitive Therapy, Made Practical - Recognize your schema modes
Learn to identify which "mode" — which part of yourself — is in the driver’s seat during distress.
Schema Therapy: Healing Early Maladaptive Beliefs - Correct computing by adding the emotional layer
When you’ve gone cold and logical, add the feeling that’s driving the analysis.
The Satir Model
Related concerns
- The Satir Model As A Parent
Virginia Satir’s model identifies four defensive communication stances people adopt under stress — Placating, Blaming, Computing, and Distracting — each driven by low self-worth. The fifth stance, Congruent communication, aligns what you feel, what you say, and your regard for yourself and the other person simultaneously. Satir used the model clinically with families and couples; the goal is not to eliminate the stances but to recognize them and choose congruence.
- The Satir Model At Work
Virginia Satir’s model identifies four defensive communication stances people adopt under stress — Placating, Blaming, Computing, and Distracting — each driven by low self-worth. The fifth stance, Congruent communication, aligns what you feel, what you say, and your regard for yourself and the other person simultaneously. Satir used the model clinically with families and couples; the goal is not to eliminate the stances but to recognize them and choose congruence.
- The Satir Model As A Caregiver
Virginia Satir’s model identifies four defensive communication stances people adopt under stress — Placating, Blaming, Computing, and Distracting — each driven by low self-worth. The fifth stance, Congruent communication, aligns what you feel, what you say, and your regard for yourself and the other person simultaneously. Satir used the model clinically with families and couples; the goal is not to eliminate the stances but to recognize them and choose congruence.
- The Satir Model In A New Job
Virginia Satir’s model identifies four defensive communication stances people adopt under stress — Placating, Blaming, Computing, and Distracting — each driven by low self-worth. The fifth stance, Congruent communication, aligns what you feel, what you say, and your regard for yourself and the other person simultaneously. Satir used the model clinically with families and couples; the goal is not to eliminate the stances but to recognize them and choose congruence.
- The Satir Model When Overwhelmed
Virginia Satir’s model identifies four defensive communication stances people adopt under stress — Placating, Blaming, Computing, and Distracting — each driven by low self-worth. The fifth stance, Congruent communication, aligns what you feel, what you say, and your regard for yourself and the other person simultaneously. Satir used the model clinically with families and couples; the goal is not to eliminate the stances but to recognize them and choose congruence.
- The Satir Model With My Partner
Virginia Satir’s model identifies four defensive communication stances people adopt under stress — Placating, Blaming, Computing, and Distracting — each driven by low self-worth. The fifth stance, Congruent communication, aligns what you feel, what you say, and your regard for yourself and the other person simultaneously. Satir used the model clinically with families and couples; the goal is not to eliminate the stances but to recognize them and choose congruence.
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