Coaching practices for What Drives Conflict Couples
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For What Drives Conflict Couples, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- Every disagreement turns into me versus them, like we’re opponents trying to win instead of two people up against the same problem
- When we fight it’s the same ugly choreography every time
- We both keep digging into our positions and neither of us is really hearing why the other one cares
- We keep having the same fight that never resolves, and lately I’ve started to suspect it isn’t really about the thing we argue over
- Once we start arguing it’s like a switch flips and we both just escalate
Practices that may help
- Fight the problem, not each other
Reorient conflict so both partners face the problem together rather than facing each other.
Secure-Functioning Relationships - Catch the four horsemen
Spot and replace criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling during conflict.
The Gottman Method, Made Practical - Collaborating (assertive and cooperative)
Work the underlying interests until you find a solution that genuinely meets both sides’ needs.
The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles - Explore each other’s life dreams
Ask what your partner’s cherished goals and aspirations are — not just their plans.
The Shared Meaning System - Make repair attempts early and accept them graciously
Use small signals to de-escalate conflict before it spirals — and receive them when offered.
The 5-to-1 Positivity Ratio in Relationships - Using the Enneagram to understand relationship friction
Map the type interaction at the heart of a recurring conflict before trying to solve the conflict.
The Enneagram - Transform the relationship, not just the issue
Use each conflict as an opportunity to raise the quality of the relationship itself.
The Third Alternative, Made Practical - Agree on relationship principles before you need them
Set explicit rules for how you will treat each other, especially under pressure.
Secure-Functioning Relationships - Learn the dream inside your partner's position
Behind every recurring argument is a personal dream or value; find and honor it.
Love Maps: Knowing Your Partner's Inner World - Separate the person from the problem
Treat the conflict as a problem you face together, not a contest you fight each other.
The Third Alternative, Made Practical
Related concerns
- Relationship Conflict
Use each conflict as an opportunity to raise the quality of the relationship itself.
Transform the relationship, not just the issue
- How To Resolve Conflict In A Relationship With Boyfriend
Use each conflict as an opportunity to raise the quality of the relationship itself.
- Unsolvable Conflicts Couples
Accept that most conflicts are unsolvable, and learn to discuss them without gridlock.
Dialogue with perpetual problems
- When Crucial Conversations Find Mutual Purpose
Establish a shared goal both people care about so the conversation is "us vs the problem".
Find mutual purpose
- Conflict In Healthy Relationships
Disconnection in close relationships is inevitable; the standard is repair, not perfection.
Treat rupture as normal, not as failure
- Conflict Timeout Couples
Set explicit rules for how you will treat each other, especially under pressure.
Agree on relationship principles before you need them
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