Coaching practices for Unsolvable Conflicts Couples
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Unsolvable Conflicts Couples, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- There’s this one fight we have over and over that never resolves no matter how many times we hash it out, and I’m exhausted trying to win it or fix it for good
- We have this one fight that never resolves, no matter how reasonably we try to settle it
- We keep having the same fight that never resolves, and lately I’ve started to suspect it isn’t really about the thing we argue over
- We both keep digging into our positions and neither of us is really hearing why the other one cares
- We solve the immediate thing but the same ugly dynamic underneath stays exactly the same, so the next disagreement plays out identically
Practices that may help
- Dialogue with perpetual problems
Accept that most conflicts are unsolvable, and learn to discuss them without gridlock.
The Gottman Method, Made Practical - Learn the dream inside your partner's position
Behind every recurring argument is a personal dream or value; find and honor it.
Love Maps: Knowing Your Partner's Inner World - Explore each other’s life dreams
Ask what your partner’s cherished goals and aspirations are — not just their plans.
The Shared Meaning System - Collaborating (assertive and cooperative)
Work the underlying interests until you find a solution that genuinely meets both sides’ needs.
The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles - Transform the relationship, not just the issue
Use each conflict as an opportunity to raise the quality of the relationship itself.
The Third Alternative, Made Practical - Separate the person from the problem
Treat the conflict as a problem you face together, not a contest you fight each other.
The Third Alternative, Made Practical - Fight the problem, not each other
Reorient conflict so both partners face the problem together rather than facing each other.
Secure-Functioning Relationships - Recognize your demon dialogue -- the negative cycle running your relationship
Every stuck couple has a predictable negative loop; naming it together is the first step out.
Hold Me Tight: Sue Johnson's Seven Conversations for Lasting Love - Find mutual purpose
Establish a shared goal both people care about so the conversation is "us vs the problem".
Crucial Conversations, Made Practical - Identify and name your negative cycle
Every stuck couple has a predictable escalation pattern -- naming it lets you step outside it.
Emotionally Focused Therapy: Sue Johnson's Framework for Lasting Bond Repair
Related concerns
- When Crucial Conversations Find Mutual Purpose
Establish a shared goal both people care about so the conversation is "us vs the problem".
Find mutual purpose
- When Productive Disagreement Identify The Crux
Locate the single empirical or value disagreement driving the whole dispute.
Find the crux: the one claim that, if changed, would change the conclusion
- When The Love Map Dreams Within Conflict
Behind every recurring argument is a personal dream or value; find and honor it.
Learn the dream inside your partner's position
- How To Resolve Conflict In A Relationship With Boyfriend
Use each conflict as an opportunity to raise the quality of the relationship itself.
Transform the relationship, not just the issue
- Relationship Conflict
Use each conflict as an opportunity to raise the quality of the relationship itself.
- Us Versus The Problem Couples
Reorient conflict so both partners face the problem together rather than facing each other.
Fight the problem, not each other
Describe your situation in your own words to search the complete practice library.