Coaching practices for What Role Do Imaginary Friends Play in a Child's Development

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • My child can’t seem to name what they’re feeling
  • I want my child to carry a solid sense of who they are even when I’m not there to remind them
  • My child has gotten so used to being "the difficult one" that they act like it’s just who they are
  • There’s one specific scene from when I was small that I can still feel in my body, and part of me wishes I could step back into that moment and do for that kid what nobody did
  • My child reacts to everything on pure impulse and never seems to stop and think how the other kid feels, and I want to actually build that thinking-and-considering muscle during our good calm moments, not just keep firefighting once they’ve already lost it.

Practices that may help

  1. Build mindsight by reflecting inner experience
    Describe your own inner experience in everyday conversation to build the child’s "mind-seeing" capacity.
    The Whole-Brain Child (Siegel & Bryson)
  2. Build the child’s inner wealth narrative over time
    Consistently reflect back who the child is becoming, not just what they’re doing.
    The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)
  3. Use experiential recognition to highlight strengths in the moment
    Catch the child demonstrating a virtue and name the virtue directly.
    The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)
  4. Imagery rescripting for schema memories
    Revisit a difficult childhood memory in imagination and rewrite it so the child’s needs are met.
    Schema Therapy: Healing Early Maladaptive Beliefs
  5. Engage the upstairs brain through curiosity and play
    Ask questions that require the child to think, imagine, or consider another perspective.
    The Whole-Brain Child (Siegel & Bryson)
  6. Sportscast what you see rather than directing
    Narrate the play without evaluation, question, or instruction.
    Special Time (Lawrence Cohen — Playful Parenting)
  7. Name it to tame it: tell the story of the big feeling
    Help the child narrate what happened and how it felt — storytelling is brain integration.
    The Whole-Brain Child (Siegel & Bryson)
  8. Follow the child’s lead completely during special time
    Let the child decide what you do, how long you stay, and when you move on.
    Special Time (Lawrence Cohen — Playful Parenting)
  9. Compassionate Imagery: The Compassionate Image and Safe Place
    Develop a vivid compassionate figure in imagination whose care you can access during distress.
    Compassion-Focused Therapy: Calming the Inner Critic
  10. Deliver active recognition of ordinary positive moments
    Narrate what the child is doing right in real time, even when it is unremarkable.
    The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)

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