Coaching practices for How to Keep the Question Asking Nature of Your Kid

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • When I ask my kid about their day I get one-word answers, and I realize I only ever ask about homework and chores
  • My kid has started hiding mistakes and bracing like they’re in trouble before I’ve even said anything, and I think it’s because my first reaction to a spill or a broken thing is always the accusation
  • My child reacts to everything on pure impulse and never seems to stop and think how the other kid feels, and I want to actually build that thinking-and-considering muscle during our good calm moments, not just keep firefighting once they’ve already lost it.
  • I only ever speak up to my kid when something’s wrong
  • I praise my kid constantly

Practices that may help

  1. Talk with your child about their day and interests
    Genuine conversational interest builds vocabulary, trust, and the relationship buffer that makes limits land without conflict.
    Triple P Parenting (Matthew Sanders)
  2. Cultivate a "yes brain": curiosity, courage, and resilience over reactivity
    Respond to the child’s world with curiosity and openness rather than threat and control.
    The Whole-Brain Child (Siegel & Bryson)
  3. Engage the upstairs brain through curiosity and play
    Ask questions that require the child to think, imagine, or consider another perspective.
    The Whole-Brain Child (Siegel & Bryson)
  4. Deliver active recognition of ordinary positive moments
    Narrate what the child is doing right in real time, even when it is unremarkable.
    The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)
  5. Sportscast what you see rather than directing
    Narrate the play without evaluation, question, or instruction.
    Special Time (Lawrence Cohen — Playful Parenting)
  6. Build the child’s inner wealth narrative over time
    Consistently reflect back who the child is becoming, not just what they’re doing.
    The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)
  7. Follow the child’s lead completely during special time
    Let the child decide what you do, how long you stay, and when you move on.
    Special Time (Lawrence Cohen — Playful Parenting)
  8. Encourage the effort and the process, not the outcome
    Encouragement builds inner confidence; outcome-praise creates dependency on adult evaluation.
    Natural and Logical Consequences (Rudolf Dreikurs)
  9. Use descriptive praise instead of generic approval
    Tell the child exactly what they did right so they know what to repeat.
    Triple P Parenting (Matthew Sanders)
  10. Use experiential recognition to highlight strengths in the moment
    Catch the child demonstrating a virtue and name the virtue directly.
    The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)

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