Coaching practices for The Person is Still Here but Not Really Here Anymore and There's No Clear Moment of Loss to Grieve So I'm Mourning Someone Who Isn't Gone and it Feels Too Soon and Too Late at the Same Time

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• The person is still here but not really here anymore, and there’s no clear moment of loss to grieve
• I know in my head that they’re gone, but it still hasn’t landed
• Everyone keeps telling me to move on and get over the loss, but the grief is huge and it won’t go
• I can’t even put words to why this is hitting me so hard
• Everyone’s gone quiet about them, like saying their name would upset me, so I never get to hear other people’s memories

Practices that may help

1. Recognise when loss is ambiguous, not just unacknowledged
   Some losses have no clear end point — a relationship that faded, a parent with dementia, a country left behind.
   Disenfranchised Grief, Made Practical
2. Task 1: Accept the full reality of the loss
   Move from intellectual acknowledgement to full emotional acceptance that the person is gone.
   Worden’s Tasks of Mourning, Made Practical
3. Treating grief as a form of gratitude
   When something ends and you feel grief, recognise that the grief is proportional to the love — and let it be both.
   Mono no Aware: The Pathos of Things
4. Name the loss and its disenfranchisement explicitly
   Say directly what was lost and that others may not recognise its significance — to yourself first.
   Disenfranchised Grief, Made Practical
5. Share the continuing bond in community
   Talk about the person with others who knew and loved them, keeping the relationship alive in shared memory.
   Continuing Bonds in Grief, Made Practical
6. Create private rituals for losses that have no public ceremony
   Design your own mourning practice for a loss that comes with no cultural script.
   Disenfranchised Grief, Made Practical
7. Construct a coherent narrative of the loss
   Tell the full story of the loss — who the person was, what happened, and what life is now.
   Worden’s Tasks of Mourning, Made Practical
8. Deliberately engage loss-oriented work
   Set aside dedicated time to directly face the grief — the emotions, the absence, the meaning of the loss.
   The Dual Process Model of Grief, Made Practical
9. Articulate the person’s life imprint on you
   Describe specifically how the person changed who you are — and carry that forward explicitly.
   Meaning Reconstruction in Grief, Made Practical
10. Use symbolic objects as tangible continuing bonds
    Keep meaningful objects that represent the person and use them consciously, not compulsively.
    Continuing Bonds in Grief, Made Practical

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