Coaching practices for Feedback in My One on Ones Only Ever Flows One Way Down to Them and I Never Once Ask How I'm Doing as Their Manager So the Power Gap Stays Wide and Whatever Blind Spots I Have Just Stay Completely Invisible to Me
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Feedback in My One on Ones Only Ever Flows One Way Down to Them and I Never Once Ask How I'm Doing as Their Manager So the Power Gap Stays Wide and Whatever Blind Spots I Have Just Stay Completely Invisible to Me, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- Feedback in my one-on-ones only ever flows one way
- Whenever I ask people how I’m doing I just get vague, polite reassurance
- Every single one-on-one we only ever talk about this week’s deliverables, and we never once zoom out to where they’re headed
- The second a pause opens up I rush to fill it with advice, so I do most of the talking and my report just nods
- My one-on-ones have quietly turned into me running down my own list of updates and asks, and the person barely gets to say what’s actually on their mind
Practices that may help
- Make feedback flow in both directions
Give timely, specific feedback — and ask for it on your own management.
Effective One-on-Ones, Made Practical - Actively seek feedback on your blind spots
Ask specifically for what others see that you might not — with enough specificity to get honest answers.
The Johari Window - Spend real time on growth, not just tasks
Regularly leave the weeds and talk about career, skills, and where they’re headed.
Effective One-on-Ones, Made Practical - Listen far more than you talk
Aim to talk a fraction of the time; your silence is what makes space for the real issues.
Effective One-on-Ones, Made Practical - Make one-on-ones genuinely theirs, not yours
One-on-ones that serve the manager’s agenda demonstrate the opposite of caring personally.
Caring Personally: The Foundation of Radical Candor - Let the report own the agenda
It’s their meeting — they bring what matters to them, and you adapt to it.
Effective One-on-Ones, Made Practical - Acknowledge what you heard before advancing to advice
A solution offered before the speaker feels heard is usually rejected, even when it is correct.
The Leader as Coach: A New Management Paradigm - Send proactive, brief status updates
Update your manager on important work before they ask — in the format and frequency they actually want.
Managing Up: Practical Skills for Working with Your Boss - Seek developmental feedback, not just performance feedback
Ask for feedback that challenges your assumptions about how you see, not just how you perform.
Kegan’s Subject-Object Theory, Made Practical - Invite a response after delivering SBI
Close SBI by asking what the other person makes of it — not with a verdict.
The SBI Feedback Model, Made Practical
Related concerns
- How Can I Give Feedback About Unproductive One On Ones With My Manager
Give timely, specific feedback — and ask for it on your own management.
Make feedback flow in both directions
- Listening In One On Ones
An effective one-on-one is a recurring, protected meeting that belongs to your report: they own the agenda, and your job is to listen, unblock, and support their growth — not to run a status update. The relational mechanisms (regular contact, voice, support) are well grounded; the specific cadence and format are practitioner craft built on top of them.
- Manager One On One Tips
An effective one-on-one is a recurring, protected meeting that belongs to your report: they own the agenda, and your job is to listen, unblock, and support their growth — not to run a status update. The relational mechanisms (regular contact, voice, support) are well grounded; the specific cadence and format are practitioner craft built on top of them.
- Meeting With The Boss One On One But A Member Of Hr Will Be Attending
It’s their meeting — they bring what matters to them, and you adapt to it.
Let the report own the agenda
- My Manager Wants Regular One On One Meetings Is This Bad
One-on-ones that serve the manager’s agenda demonstrate the opposite of caring personally.
Make one-on-ones genuinely theirs, not yours
- One On Ones With Direct Reports
An effective one-on-one is a recurring, protected meeting that belongs to your report: they own the agenda, and your job is to listen, unblock, and support their growth — not to run a status update. The relational mechanisms (regular contact, voice, support) are well grounded; the specific cadence and format are practitioner craft built on top of them.
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