Coaching practices for I Bend Over Backwards to Be Fair to Everyone Else and Then Quietly Leave Myself Out of the Equation Entirely I'd Never Let a Friend Get Treated the Way I Let Myself Get Treated and the Resentment From Always Coming Last is Building Even as I Tell Myself Wanting Anything for Me Would Be Selfish

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For I Bend Over Backwards to Be Fair to Everyone Else and Then Quietly Leave Myself Out of the Equation Entirely I'd Never Let a Friend Get Treated the Way I Let Myself Get Treated and the Resentment From Always Coming Last is Building Even as I Tell Myself Wanting Anything for Me Would Be Selfish, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• I bend over backwards to be fair to everyone else and then quietly leave myself out of the equation entirely
• I’ll bend over backwards for everyone else, but the idea of being that gentle with myself feels selfish
• If a friend told me they’d failed like this I’d be warm and understanding in a heartbeat, but I turn on myself with a cruelty I’d never aim at anyone I love
• I’d never speak to anyone else the way I speak to myself
• I run myself into the ground taking care of everyone else and I’m always the last person on my own list

Practices that may help

1. Be Fair: include yourself in the fairness you extend to others
   Apply the same standards of fairness to yourself that you would to someone you respect.
   FAST: DBT’s Skill for Maintaining Self-Respect in Relationships
2. Include acts of kindness toward yourself
   The kindness architecture that builds well-being includes self-directed kindness — not just other-directed.
   Acts of Kindness, Made Practical
3. Apply self-kindness as actively as you would to a friend
   Treat yourself with the same warmth and understanding you would offer a close friend in the same situation.
   Self-Worth vs. Self-Esteem
4. Replace critic monologue with compassionate self-talk
   Speak to yourself the way you would speak to a close friend in the same situation.
   Working With Your Inner Critic
5. Fierce provision: identify and meet your own needs
   Ask yourself what you need right now and take action to supply it — without waiting to be asked.
   Fierce Self-Compassion, Made Practical
6. Extend the same generosity inward
   The charitable read is for your own behavior too — and refusing it for yourself fuels harshness toward others.
   Generous Interpretation
7. Accommodating (cooperative, unassertive)
   Yield to the other’s needs when the issue matters far more to them than to you.
   The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles
8. Extend the compassion you would give a friend to yourself
   Ask what you would say to a capable friend who had delayed on the same task — then say that.
   Self-Forgiveness and Procrastination
9. Be otherish, not selfless
   Help others in ways that also serve your own goals and interests.
   Give and Take: The Giver Advantage
10. Apply the razor to yourself
    Extend to your own past actions the same charitable interpretation you give others.
    Hanlon's Razor: Never Attribute to Malice What Stupidity Can Explain

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