Coaching practices for Fair to Yourself

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Fair to Yourself, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• I bend over backwards to be fair to everyone else and then quietly leave myself out of the equation entirely
• I’d never speak to anyone else the way I speak to myself
• I extend everyone else this generosity, but when I mess up I go straight to "I’m lazy, I’m a failure, this is just who I am"
• If a friend told me they’d failed like this I’d be warm and understanding in a heartbeat, but I turn on myself with a cruelty I’d never aim at anyone I love
• I’m brutal on myself the second I slip up

Practices that may help

1. Be Fair: include yourself in the fairness you extend to others
   Apply the same standards of fairness to yourself that you would to someone you respect.
   FAST: DBT’s Skill for Maintaining Self-Respect in Relationships
2. Replace critic monologue with compassionate self-talk
   Speak to yourself the way you would speak to a close friend in the same situation.
   Working With Your Inner Critic
3. Apply the razor to yourself
   Extend to your own past actions the same charitable interpretation you give others.
   Hanlon's Razor: Never Attribute to Malice What Stupidity Can Explain
4. Apply self-kindness as actively as you would to a friend
   Treat yourself with the same warmth and understanding you would offer a close friend in the same situation.
   Self-Worth vs. Self-Esteem
5. Extend the same generosity inward
   The charitable read is for your own behavior too — and refusing it for yourself fuels harshness toward others.
   Generous Interpretation
6. Use self-respect as the outcome measure — not just whether you got what you wanted
   After any difficult interaction, ask: "Do I respect myself for how I showed up?" — not just "did I win?"
   FAST: DBT’s Skill for Maintaining Self-Respect in Relationships
7. Self-compassion through the distancing lens
   Combine third-person perspective with self-compassionate framing to avoid both self-attack and self-indulgence.
   Self-Distancing Journaling
8. Stick to Values: act consistently with what actually matters to you
   Before compromising a position, check whether the compromise conflicts with a core value — and hold if it does.
   FAST: DBT’s Skill for Maintaining Self-Respect in Relationships
9. Include acts of kindness toward yourself
   The kindness architecture that builds well-being includes self-directed kindness — not just other-directed.
   Acts of Kindness, Made Practical
10. Look honestly at your responses
    Face where you fell short and where you acted well, without spiraling into either.
    The Daily Examen: Reviewing the Day

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