Coaching practices for The Strangest Thing Happens When I Finally Try Being Gentle with Myself Instead of Relief a Wave of Grief or Tears Comes Up and it Makes Me Want to Stop Like the Kindness is Somehow Making it Worse
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For The Strangest Thing Happens When I Finally Try Being Gentle with Myself Instead of Relief a Wave of Grief or Tears Comes Up and it Makes Me Want to Stop Like the Kindness is Somehow Making it Worse, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- The strangest thing happens when I finally try being gentle with myself
- Some part of me is convinced that if I ease up on myself I’ll go soft and stop trying, so I keep the inner voice harsh on purpose
- I’ll bend over backwards for everyone else, but the idea of being that gentle with myself feels selfish
- The missing them comes in waves that physically knock the wind out of me, and when one crests I just need to get through the next few minutes without drowning
- I understand exactly why I feel this way and I’ve looked at it honestly, but understanding it hasn’t made it hurt any less
Practices that may help
- Recognize backdraft — the pain that arises when kindness first lands
When self-compassion initially hurts more, that is backdraft — a sign it is working, not failing.
The Self-Compassion Break - Self-kindness over self-judgment
Respond to your own mistakes with warmth and understanding instead of harsh criticism.
Self-Compassion, Made Practical - Include acts of kindness toward yourself
The kindness architecture that builds well-being includes self-directed kindness — not just other-directed.
Acts of Kindness, Made Practical - Havening to soften acute grief activation
Use gentle touch and brief distraction to lower the physiological intensity of grief surges.
Self-Havening: Calming the Nervous System Through Touch - RAIN — Nurture (offer what is needed)
Give the hurting part the care it actually needs — a phrase, a hand on the heart, a kind tone.
Radical Acceptance, Made Practical - N — Nurture with self-compassion
Offer the part that is suffering what it most needs — care, acknowledgment, reassurance — as you would a dear friend.
RAIN Meditation: Tara Brach’s Four-Step Practice - Loving-kindness toward yourself
Begin by directing the well-wishes inward — “may I be safe, happy, healthy, at ease.”
Loving-Kindness (Metta) Meditation - Mindful awareness of suffering
Hold painful feelings in balanced awareness — neither suppressing them nor being swept away by them.
Self-Compassion, Made Practical - Self-kindness: offer yourself what a good friend would
Say the words a caring friend would say — to yourself, now.
The Self-Compassion Break - The self-compassion break
A three-step phrase you say in a hard moment: this is suffering, suffering is human, may I be kind to myself.
Self-Compassion, Made Practical
Related concerns
- When RAIN Meditation Nurture
Offer the part that is suffering what it most needs — care, acknowledgment, reassurance — as you would a dear friend.
N — Nurture with self-compassion
- Delivering Compassion To Yourself
Offer the part that is suffering what it most needs — care, acknowledgment, reassurance — as you would a dear friend.
- How Do You Practice Self Compassion And Avoid Being Too Hard On Yourself During Difficult Times
Kristin Neff defines self-compassion as treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer a struggling friend, built from three parts: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Unlike self-esteem, it does not depend on success or comparison — and it has a genuinely strong research base, with controlled trials linking it to lower anxiety, depression, and self-criticism.
- How To Practice More Self Compassion And Kindness Towards Yourself
Kristin Neff defines self-compassion as treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer a struggling friend, built from three parts: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Unlike self-esteem, it does not depend on success or comparison — and it has a genuinely strong research base, with controlled trials linking it to lower anxiety, depression, and self-criticism.
- Self Compassion After Meditation
End each sitting by radiating goodwill outward, softening any self-critical edge the practice surfaces.
Metta at the close — sharing merit and goodwill
- Self Compassion When Burned Out
When self-compassion initially hurts more, that is backdraft — a sign it is working, not failing.
Recognize backdraft — the pain that arises when kindness first lands
Describe your situation in your own words to search the complete practice library.