Coaching practices for I Keep Forcing Myself to Lead the Way I Think a Leader is Supposed to Even When it Cuts Against My Grain and I Can't Actually Name What I'm Naturally Good at I Just Sense I'd Be Far More Effective If I Stopped Fighting My Own Wiring
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For I Keep Forcing Myself to Lead the Way I Think a Leader is Supposed to Even When it Cuts Against My Grain and I Can't Actually Name What I'm Naturally Good at I Just Sense I'd Be Far More Effective If I Stopped Fighting My Own Wiring, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- I keep forcing myself to lead the way I think a leader is supposed to, even when it cuts against my grain, and I can’t actually name what I’m naturally good at
- I lead by directing and correcting and stepping in to fix things, and my team has gone quiet and passive, waiting to be told
- I can find that calm, grounded place when I sit down and really work at it, but the moment real life pokes me I’m instantly hijacked again
- When I want something to happen I reach for “because I’m the boss” far too quickly, and I get compliance that falls apart the second I leave the room
- My people route every little decision up to me, even ones squarely in their own authority
Practices that may help
- Identify your dominant leadership strengths — and lead from them
Know which of the four leadership domains you naturally operate from and amplify it rather than trying to be equally strong in all four.
Strengths-Based Leadership, Made Practical - Leading from behind — the servant leader stance
Influence others more through example, listening, and restraint than through assertion and command.
The Tao Te Ching, Made Practical - Building Self-leadership
Make leading from Self — rather than from a reactive part — your day-to-day default.
Internal Family Systems (IFS), Made Practical - Influence through persuasion, not positional power
Build consensus and convince rather than command — authority is the last resort, not the first.
Servant Leadership, Made Practical - Break the advice-dependency loop
When people come to you for every decision, it signals advice-giving is making them less capable, not more.
The Leader as Coach: A New Management Paradigm - Hold steady when the system pushes back
Expect displacement, scapegoating, and pressure to return to the old equilibrium — and stay the course.
Adaptive Leadership, Made Practical - Lead from the influencing domain — take charge, speak up, make sure others are heard
People strong in influencing sell the team’s ideas inside and outside the organization.
Strengths-Based Leadership, Made Practical - Use autonomy-supportive self-talk
Coach yourself with choice and rationale, not "shoulds" and self-pressure.
Self-Determination Theory, Made Usable - Wu wei — effortless, non-forced action
Act in alignment with the natural flow of a situation rather than forcing your will onto it.
The Tao Te Ching, Made Practical - Watch for the accidental diminisher patterns in yourself
Most Diminishers are not aware they are diminishing — the behaviors that made them effective as individuals undermine them as leaders.
Multipliers: How Leaders Amplify the Intelligence Around Them
Related concerns
- Leading From Self
Care more about the organization’s success than your personal legacy.
Channel ambition to the institution, not yourself
- Holding Position Leadership
Hold the team’s resources and future in trust — decide for the long game, not just this quarter.
Practice foresight and stewardship
- How Can I Become A Good Leader
Influence others more through example, listening, and restraint than through assertion and command.
Leading from behind — the servant leader stance
- Influencing Leadership
People strong in influencing sell the team’s ideas inside and outside the organization.
Lead from the influencing domain — take charge, speak up, make sure others are heard
- Authentic Leadership
Become a living example of the values you want your team to hold.
Model the values you expect (idealized influence)
- Directive Leadership Conflict
Competing — high assertive, low cooperative — is appropriate when the decision is urgent, high-stakes, and not open for debate.
Use Competing when speed or safety matters more than buy-in
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