Paraphrase to check understanding

Restate the speaker’s point in your own words and ask if you got it right.

Why it works

Paraphrasing forces you to actually process the message rather than store it for rebuttal, and it converts assumed understanding into confirmed understanding. The "did I get that right?" check hands control back to the speaker, who feels respected and corrects misreadings before they compound into conflict.

How to do it

1. Wait until they finish a complete thought, then summarize it in your own words.
2. End with a genuine check: "Did I get that right?" or "Is that what you meant?"
3. If they correct you, accept the correction without defending your first read.

Evidence

Paraphrasing / "checking" is a standard component of communication-skills and counseling training and is consistently taught as a way to reduce misunderstanding and demonstrate attention. (clinical)

It is an established practice skill rather than a tactic with a large isolated outcome literature; value depends on genuinely revising your understanding when corrected.

Common mistake

Paraphrasing in order to subtly reframe their point toward your position, which they notice and experience as being managed rather than heard.