Apply strengths consciously in your most important relationships
Identify how your signature strengths are showing up — or failing to show up — in the relationships that matter most.
Why it works
Research on strengths-use in close relationships shows that individuals who use their signature strengths with a partner or friend report higher relationship satisfaction. The mechanism is that genuine character expression (as opposed to role-performance) enables authentic encounter — you bring your real self rather than a situational adaptation. This is related to the concept of "being known" as a driver of relationship quality.
How to do it
- Choose your most important relationship. For each of your top three signature strengths, ask: "When did I last express this genuinely with this person?"
- Identify the strength you most suppress in this relationship and why.
- Plan one specific interaction this week where you bring that suppressed strength forward intentionally.
- After the interaction, notice whether the relationship quality shifted when you showed up more fully.
Evidence
Strengths use in relationships is supported by positive psychology research on well-being in close relationships. Self-disclosure and authentic expression are supported by relationship quality research as drivers of intimacy. (observational)
Most evidence is self-report and correlational; the causal direction between strength use and relationship quality has not been experimentally isolated.
Sources
- Govindji & Linley (2007), "Strengths use, self-concordance and well-being," Journal of Positive Psychology
Common mistake
Applying this as a strategy ("I’ll use my kindness on my partner more") rather than as genuine expression — the mechanism requires authentic character engagement, not tactical deployment.
Practice this with IX Coach
7 days free, then $40/month (~$1.30/day).
More practices for VIA Character Strengths, Made Practical
- Take the VIA survey and identify your signature strengths
Discover your top five to seven character strengths using the validated VIA survey.
- Use a signature strength in a new way each day for one week
Apply one of your top character strengths to a context or relationship where you don’t normally use it.
- Spot and name character strengths in others
Notice and explicitly name the character strengths you observe in people around you.
- Map how your strengths distort under stress
Identify the "overuse" and "underuse" of each signature strength — how they show up when you’re at your worst.
- Set goals that build on your signature strengths
Design goals that let your top strengths be the primary vehicle rather than your weak spots.
- Connect individual strengths to the broader virtues they serve
Understand which of the six VIA virtues your signature strengths express, and what that reveals about your character.
Related concepts
- Positive Psychology, Made Practical
PERMA and the well-being exercises, graded honestly on the evidence
- Broaden-and-Build, Made Practical
Using positive emotions not just as rewards but as resources that build lasting psychological strength
- Self-Determination Theory, Made Usable
The three needs that make motivation self-sustaining